IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate about whether younger generations should be required to take full-
time
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education
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 until when they become 18 years old or not. Certainly, the educational system plays an essential role in various societal aspects of our daily lives.
Hence
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, in
this
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 essay, I will explain the reasons why I believe that younger
people
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 should accept
this
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 fundamental rule even though they genuinely hate studying.
To begin
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 with, we need to reconsider the benefits brought by participating in
education
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, and those benefits are mainly related to financial aspects.
For instance
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, in Japan, most companies regardless of their size tend to deny employing
people
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 who have not completed high school
education
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. The main reason hidden behind
this
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 convention is that businesses are demanding
people
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 who have enough
skills
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 which are applicable in practical contexts. Those
skills
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 generally include writing formal sentences, behaving politely in business situations and understanding orders correctly, and
this
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 knowledge is usually taught in daily classes in public schools. But, without these most basic
skills
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,
people
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consequently
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 cannot obtain any job, leading to a situation where they need to struggle with financial burdens in the future.
Therefore
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, schooling
public
Change preposition
in public
show examples
 educational institutions every day and learning appropriate knowledge should be enforced on younger students because by doing so, they will be able to be independent financially.
Nevertheless
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, some
people
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 argue that if students spend a lot of
time
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 studying, they cannot allocate enough
time
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 to explore their own interests, leading to less expertise in specific areas,
as a result
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. In fact,
this
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 opinion is partly correct simply because the
time
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 is limited.
However
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, it is
also
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 true that if they did not acquire the optimal
skills
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 needed in business sectors, the number of job opportunities would become smaller, and they
consequently
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 need to spend more
time
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 working in companies where the salary is comparatively less and working conditions are not great.
In other words
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, the
time
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 they have to allocate to those unpreferable situations in the future will increase relatively.
Furthermore
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, obtaining basic knowledge will be more difficult as they become older
due to
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 their lower cognitive performances compared to when they were younger.
Thus
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, to ensure that they can enjoy stable lives, it is strongly recommended that they take full-
time
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education
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while
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 they are still young. In conclusion, even though there are minor drawbacks brought by sacrificing their
time
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 for
education
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, the entire benefit is significant and long-lasting because by doing so, they can obtain enough capital in the future.
For
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this
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 reason, I strongly support the opinion that younger generations should be encouraged to attend daily classes held in school at least until they become 18.

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coherence
Make sure to clarify your main points more clearly at the beginning of each paragraph.
cohesion
Use simple linking words to help the reader follow your ideas better.
task achievement
Try to explain your ideas with even more specific examples from different countries or situations.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and the main idea of the essay.
task achievement
You provided a good balance of arguments for and against the topic, which shows critical thinking.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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