In mordern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. 1. Why has this change occured? 2. Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

There is no denying the fact that children should spend more time with their
parents
. There is
also
an argument that
kids
do not want to talk with their mothers and feathers and spend
this
time on other things like hanging out with friends and so on.
This
essay will analyze
this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, there are several reasons why
this
issue happened. One of the reasons is the huge gap between
this
generation and the previous generation.
In other words
, both the
kids
and their families can not understand each other.
For instance
, 20 years ago the environment that
parents
grew up in cannot compare to what
this
generation grew
upin
Correct your spelling
up in
up
. Things like internet, smartphones, and video games. So when they try to group up in a family meeting, it is obvious to the naked eye that they will fail.
On the other hand
, when it comes to forcing their children to speak with them. It is clear to the naked eye that
this
idea will bring stress and anxiety to the family. It is
also
possible to say that
this
will destroy the relationship between all of them.
For example
, when the
parents
force their
kids
to stay with them, what do you expect will happen next? do you think it will create a vital environment in the house? So
that is
why
this
idea is a bad one. In conclusion. There are no easy answers to
this
question. On balance,
nevertheless
, I tend to believe that
kids
should spend more time with their mothers and fathers to make a good and healthy relationship.
Lastly
, the
kids
should balance between their friends and their relationship with their
parents
.
Submitted by sdam7843 on

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task response
Try to address all parts of the task more fully. In particular, discuss explicitly why children are spending more time with friends and less with family and consider other factors beyond just the generation gap.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows well from one to the next. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader.
supported main points
Use more specific examples and explanations to thoroughly support your main points. This will make your arguments more compelling.
introduction and conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to structure the argument effectively.
complete response
You made a good attempt at addressing both parts of the question and expressing your opinion clearly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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