IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some toddlers are using mobile phones for hours each day. why is this the case?is this a positive or negative devlopment.

Many
toddlers
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 for an extended period daily.
This
Linking Words
 is because
parents
Use synonyms
 nowadays want to keep their
toddlers
Use synonyms
 entertained, and
this
Linking Words
 could be a positive thing because
toddlers
Use synonyms
 can
use
Use synonyms
 it to access educational apps.
Parents
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 to entertain their
toddlers
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
parents
Use synonyms
 can’t find the time to finish their tasks. After all, they are consumed with looking after their
toddlers
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 why they give them mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 to keep them occupied so that they can finish whatever it is that they need to do, without being distracted by their child. Many
parents
Use synonyms
 need to cook meals for their families, which requires time and attention, and
that is
Linking Words
 why they give
phones
Use synonyms
 to their
toddlers
Use synonyms
 to keep them occupied so they can finish up without interruptions or distractions. There are a lot of learning opportunities on the internet that can help
toddlers
Use synonyms
' cognitive development.
This
Linking Words
 can be positive because,
while
Linking Words
 the child is occupied, he or she is
also
Linking Words
 learning something that interests them and helps in their development,
for example
Linking Words
, they can access educational apps which have lessons and topics directed towards
toddlers
Use synonyms
 learning and
toddlers
Use synonyms
 can
use
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 to learn objects or colours or different types of foods and much more,
hence
Linking Words
 the time they are looking at the phone is not wasted. In conclusion,
parents
Use synonyms
 nowadays prefer giving mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 to their children to keep them occupied, and it can be a good thing because it can
also
Linking Words
 help the children’s development positively through learning and educating themselves.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences to outline each paragraph's main idea.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points, such as specific educational apps or their benefits.
coherence and cohesion
Use connecting words like 'first', 'next', 'finally' to help guide the reader through your ideas.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion on the topic which is good for task response.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing flows well overall and is easy to follow, which is a plus for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: