People doing dangerous sports activities like scuba diving and bungi jumping, they should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people. Do you agree or disagree?
It is often believed that those who participate in dangerous activities
such
as scuba diving and bungee jumping should take responsibility for their own safety, making it unnecessary for professional rescue
workers
to sacrifice their own lives to help them. I partially agree with this
, for the growing number of unfortunate accidents involving the death of workers
taking place regardless of higher chances of their survival when they gain their support.
On the one hand, individuals should be responsible for their risky activities since many rescue
workers
are also
involved in serious accidents, causing injuries and death. In other words
, even highly skilful supporters are often not able to control themselves in threatening situations in wild nature. For instance
, a licensed diver was discovered to be dead when he tried to help a group of travellers who drowned while
they enjoyed scuba diving near the coast in Shirahama, Japan in 2019. Therefore
, responsible acts and good preparation are demanded of individuals so as not to spread their damage to other people
.
On the other hand
, rescue
workers
should play their roles in saving people
because more lives can be protected thanks to their professional experience. Indeed, many divers immediately recognize what they should and should not do in an emergency. For example
, they not only know the basic skills to float in the ocean but also
sustain their energy for an extended period of time, which increases their survival in contrast
to ordinary people
often cause more trouble as they are more likely to get panicked and confused. Furthermore
, they cause minimum risks, avoiding another sacrifice of their family and friends who try to help them. Thus
, rescue
workers
should be reliable to promote the safety of those involved in unexpected circumstances.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree that individuals should take primary responsibility for their risky activities so as not to put others into dangerous situations. However
, they are crucial in saving more people
's lives as they are more sophisticated and experienced to prevent the worst scenarios.Submitted by mizuho on
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task achievement
To improve the task response, ensure that you address both parts of the prompt equally. While you have presented a balanced view, make sure to develop both sides of the argument with equal depth and clarity. This will provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, use more transition words and phrases to link your ideas smoothly. Words such as 'furthermore', 'moreover', and 'however' can help in making your essay flow better. This will enhance the readability and logical progression of your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, which is a strong point. Each paragraph has a distinct purpose and supports the overall argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is commendable. You have an introduction, body paragraphs that explore different sides of the argument, and a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, such as the incident in Shirahama, Japan. This helps to illustrate your arguments and makes them more convincing.