IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

When it comes to receiving
health
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care
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, I firmly
beleve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that it should be free, or the least it can be, affordable to everyone. Profit-making companies take
avdvantage
Correct your spelling
advantage
 of people, and
monopolizies
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monopolise
 the market, by setting their own prices.
This
Linking Words
 is absolutely inhumane. I will
further
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 talk about whether the advantages of private
health
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care
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 outweigh the disadvantages. As mentioned earlier, the biggest advantage for profit-making companies is, generating enormous
amount
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amounts
show examples
 of money. As they take advantage of people's desperation for
treatment
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, they set the prices.
However
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, there is a silver lining to
this
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. In public
hospitals
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,
patients
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 would have to wait for a really long
time
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, in order to see the
doctor
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. In that waiting period, their
health
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 can significantly
deterioriate
Correct your spelling
deteriorate
.
Thus
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, the
patients
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,
whom
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who
show examples
 can somewhat afford private
health
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care
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, can receive immediate
treatment
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, as the waiting
time
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 in private
hospitals
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are
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is
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 exponentially shorter. Apart from short waiting
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time
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times
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,
patients
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 will receive the most optimal
treatment
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.
Although
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 private
hospitals
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 tend to charge a lot, they do offer state-of-the-art services, and the
recovery
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time
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 is much quicker than public
hospitals
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. In public
hospitals
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, the source of funds is from the government.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is limited, and the
patients
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 will receive the ordinary
treatment
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, resulting in
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
recovery
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time
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. Another benefit of utilizing private
health
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care
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 is,
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patients
Correct word choice
that patients
show examples
 will be given special attention. In a public hospital, there is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 general
doctor
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 who is responsible for five to eight
patients
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 at a
time
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. Despite the fact that the doctors are professionals, juggling between
patients
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 increases the chances of confusion, which can lead to dire consequences. As for the private
hospitals
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, a specific
doctor
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 will be assigned to handle your case. The
doctor
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 will be available
around-the-clock
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around the clock
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. The
patients
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 will have their own private wards, maintaining privacy. Special
care
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 will be administered by the nurses, inevitably progressing to full
recovery
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.
To conclude
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, private
health
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care
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 is not for everyone as it requires a lot of money.
However
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,
patients
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 who do opt for it, will not regret their choices,
due to
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 the fact that
,
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apply
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private
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a private
the private
show examples
 hospital provides optimal
treatment
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, and special attention is given to the
patients
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 by the doctors and nurses.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the short waiting
time
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 ensures that the patient's road to
recovery
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 starts as soon as possible.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main argument in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your points better, such as 'however', 'moreover', and 'in contrast'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your ideas more organized by clearly separating different points, maybe using paragraphs for each main point.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear advantages of private health care.
task achievement
You provide examples to support your points, which is good for clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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