IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the alcohol-related deaths in 7 different countries and the average beer consumption in 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting description of the correlation of the table that follow.

The graph below shows the alcohol-related deaths in 7 different countries and the average beer consumption in 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting description of the correlation of the table that follow.
The table depicts information about
deaths
Use synonyms
 relating to
alcohol
Use synonyms
 and the mean
beer
Use synonyms
 consumption in 7 various
countries
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Czech
Correct article usage
the Czech
show examples
 Republic had the largest total amount of
Use synonyms
alcohol related
Add a hyphen
alcohol-related
show examples
deaths
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 Lithuania had the lowest
Use synonyms
deaths
Correct quantifier usage
number of deaths
show examples
relating
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
 to alcoholic drinks.
In addition
Linking Words
,
alcohol
Use synonyms
 death rates
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 much higher in men than that
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 women.
Although
Linking Words
 Germany was the second nation with the highest mortality rates related to
alcohol
Use synonyms
, it
also
Linking Words
 had the second highest
beer
Use synonyms
 consumption per capita. Czech Republic, Germany, and Austria were the top 3
countries
Use synonyms
 with the highest death rates in 2005 with 1,369,000, 1,185,000, and 913,000
deaths
Use synonyms
 respectively. Ireland and Canada had a similar trend with values of 582,000 and 580,000 in the same order.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Lithuania and Estonia did not really have high death tolls. These two
countries
Use synonyms
 had the least amount of
alcohol
Use synonyms
-related
deaths
Use synonyms
 during the time period. Regarding the amount of
beer
Use synonyms
 consumed in these
countries
Use synonyms
, Czech Republic citizens consumed 132 litres of
beer
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Irish people, Germans and Austrians all consumed less than 110 litres of alcoholic beverages.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Lithuania and the rest of the other nations consumed less than 100 litres of
beer
Use synonyms
 in 2005.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words deaths, alcohol, beer, countries with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: