IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Universities should allocate same amount of money to Sports activities as they allocate to the Libraries. To what extent do you Agree or Disagree?

Universities
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 should invest the same proportion of money in
sports
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activities
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 as they invest in libraries.
This
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 essay fully agrees with
this
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 statement because the situation of a healthy individual can reflect the achievements of
students
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, and
sports
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 can be a way to release stress from studying.
To begin
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 with, Today, someone's success is not only determined by studying in libraries and achieving a good academic score, but some
students
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 can
also
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 be successful in
sports
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activities
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such
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 as football and basketball. Many scouting talents in big clubs search for talent in university leagues.
For example
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, many professional basketball players came from university leagues and joined the professional league,
such
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 as the NBA.
This
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 example demonstrates that a person's success can stem from the field of
sports
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 and can
also
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 contribute to
universities
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 increasing their popularity, as they have produced numerous athletes.
Furthermore
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, sometimes
students
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 need to enjoy their hobbies outside of academics, including
sports
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activities
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.
Universities
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' investment in
sports
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activities
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 can attract the public to attend their
universities
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.
For example
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, some
students
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enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in the university because they have a good football club.
In addition
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,
Sports
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activities
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 that involve many individuals in one team,
such
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 as football and basketball, can encourage teamwork and leadership skills, and they can be useful for their future, even if they do not become professional athletes.
To conclude
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,
Universities
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 should invest the same amount in
sports
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activities
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 as they do in academic
endeavors
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endeavours
show examples
, because
this
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 action can have a positive impact on both
universities
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 and
students
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,
such
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 as gaining popularity and attracting more new
students
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 year by year.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and relates directly to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (like 'firstly', 'also', 'for example') to help your ideas connect better.
task response
Explain examples a bit more to show how they support your points.
task response
Consider adding another point about the importance of libraries in students' lives for a more balanced view.
task achievement
You clearly stated your agreement with the topic and provided good reasons.
task achievement
Your examples from sports leagues are relevant and help illustrate your points well.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main ideas and reinforces your argument.
Your opinion

Donโ€™t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Donโ€™t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ ยป- a book that's free for ๐Ÿš€ Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic approach
  • intellectual growth
  • fostering community
  • mental health
  • campus experience
  • cornerstone
  • conducive to
  • resources, technology
  • financial implications
  • institutional goals
  • prospective students
  • academic achievement
  • physical health
  • equally allocating
  • enriching
  • indirectly
  • practical considerations
  • enhancing
  • significance
  • reputation
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