IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Young people are highly influenced by famous people and they look up to them as role models. Is that a positive or negative development?

Famous
people
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 can inspire young
people
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 to pursue their dreams,
such
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 as in sports, music, or acting.
This
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 inspiration can lead to hard work and determination. Young
people
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 can learn important values from famous
people
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,
such
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 as kindness, teamwork, and dedication. These values can help them grow into better individuals.
However
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, some famous
people
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 may not set a good example and can encourage bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
such
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 as drug use or unhealthy lifestyles. When young
people
Use synonyms
 focus too much on fame, they may neglect their studies or their own goals, which can lead to negative consequences for their future.

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task achievement
Include a clear introduction stating your opinion on whether this trend is positive or negative.
task achievement
Add specific examples to support your opinions, making your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'however' or 'for example' to help your sentences flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have a conclusion that summarizes your main points clearly.
content
You identified both positive and negative aspects of role models for young people.
content
Your writing shows awareness of important values that can be learned from famous people.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • inspire
  • role model
  • positive
  • negative
  • dreams
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • values
  • kindness
  • teamwork
  • behavior
  • focus
  • consequences
  • future
  • example
  • unhealthy
  • lifestyle
  • neglect
  • study
  • goals
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