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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart and table show information about students from abroad studying in four English-speaking countries in 2004 and 2012.

The bar chart and table show information about students from abroad studying in four English-speaking countries in 2004 and 2012.
The bar chart illustrates the total number of international
students
Use synonyms
 pursuing studies in
four
Use synonyms
 English-speaking nations in 2004 and 2012,
while
Linking Words
 the table presents the proportion of foreign
students
Use synonyms
 relative to the student population in those countries during the same years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the USA had the greatest
international
Correct quantifier usage
number of international
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 over the given period,
whereas
Linking Words
 Canada had the lowest.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the percentage of foreign
students
Use synonyms
 in Australia showed the largest share among the
four
Use synonyms
. In the bar chart, the total number of overseas
students
Use synonyms
 rose in all
four
Use synonyms
 countries. The USA was the most common destination, with around 180,000
students
Use synonyms
 in 2004 and nearly 250,000
students
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Canada remained the least popular destination, with fewer than 70,000
students
Use synonyms
 in both years. Meanwhile, both the UK and Australia had just over 100,000
students
Use synonyms
 in 2004, and by 2012, their numbers increased to just behind 200,000, with a slight difference between the two.
According to
Linking Words
 the table, all
four
Use synonyms
 countries experienced an increase in the proportion of international
students
Use synonyms
, except for the USA, which remained unchanged at 2%. Australia had the greatest percentage
overall
Linking Words
 and
also
Linking Words
 showed the largest increase, rising from 19% to 24%.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by the UK (9% to 13%) and Canada (5% to 7%), both of which
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 moderate growth.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, four with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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