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Band 7.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

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Despite having over 50 per cent female workforce, most organizations in many developed countries have senior
positions
 filled with men.
This
 essay completely disagrees with the argument that
such
 corporations should introduce a quota for
women
 for these senior
roles
 because hiring should be done on merit and
such
 a decision will only reduce a
company
's
overall
 competency. Introducing a fixed quota to hire only
women
 in senior
positions
 undermines the true requirement, which is merit, for these
positions
. If a
company
 decides to fill a certain senior role only by
women
,
then
 it will be ignoring talents from the other gender, who might have more skills and fit the requirements. Normally, senior
roles
 require experienced and skilled professionals to come in and drive things immediately.
Therefore
, organizations should ignore gender disparities and look to hire individuals who will do a better job, be it a man or a woman.
For example
, Microsoft's recent decision to dissolve its diversity wing was based on the evaluation that employees hired through
this
 method were the least productive.
Moreover
, if companies from first-world countries do decide to introduce
such
 a scheme, it will only lead to certain business units being incompetent. As these senior
roles
 require immediate work, hiring or promoting only
women
 because of the quota's demand, might not be a good idea because the learning curve to adapt to these
roles
 might be steep, which could later turn out to be a complete role-mismatch issue.
For instance
, X's, formerly called Twitter, open senior management
positions
 have a strict policy of no gender bias to ensure that whoever joins the
company
 can immediately pick from where the project was left previously. In conclusion, I believe open senior
roles
 in companies from first-world countries should not have a certain percentage allocation for female employees only, because they will be ignoring the merit required to get the job done, thereby leading to a decrease in the
company
's competency level.
Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively and presents clear, comprehensive ideas. However, try to enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments by providing more specific examples and counter-arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking phrases and ensuring a smooth transition between paragraphs. This will make your essay more engaging and reader-friendly.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Ensure every sentence contributes purposefully to your argument. Proofreading your essay can help identify and rectify such issues.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, which provides a strong foundation for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, helping to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples and supports your main points well, which strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
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