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Writing Samples
Band 7

in nearly all science course at university, there are significantly more male students than female students. What are the reason for this? What can be done to balance out the number

More and more people believe that most experts in science at university are male students.
However
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, others argue that the number of
women
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 in science remains low. In my opinion, both
men
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 and
women
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 are equally important in academic and professional fields. On one hand, many people think that
men
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 dominate scientific fields. In today’s job market, companies often prefer hiring male employees, assuming they possess strong technical knowledge and deep specialisation.
Moreover
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,
men
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 are generally seen as more career-focused, as they are not typically the primary caregivers in the family. A study conducted by New York University found that 90% of successful professionals were
men
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 who had dedicated themselves to one specialised field.
This
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 suggests that focusing on a single career path plays a major role in professional success, especially among
men
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.
On the other hand
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, many believe that
women
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 play an essential role in
education
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 and the workforce.
Women
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 who are educated in a variety of fields tend to be more flexible, manage multiple responsibilities effectively, and contribute significantly to a company’s success.
For instance
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, my sisters, who have strong academic backgrounds, frequently receive job offers and high salaries.
In contrast
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, my brother, who only completed primary school, struggles to find stable work.
This
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 shows how
women
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 with higher
education
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 and broad skills can excel professionally. In conclusion,
while
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 some argue that science is largely male-dominated, others highlight the rising importance of
women
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 in
education
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 and work. I believe both
men
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 and
women
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 should pursue higher
education
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 and gain diverse experience to thrive in today’s competitive job market.

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task response
Make sure to directly address the task of explaining why there are more male students in science and how to balance the numbers.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader through your points more easily.
task response
Add specific examples and studies that directly relate to the reasons for disparities or solutions proposed.
task response
The essay discusses both perspectives on gender in science, which shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Many sentences are well-structured, making the ideas clear and easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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