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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some argue that authorities should control wages and limit the earnings of
people
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 in order to eliminate
inequality
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. I believe that the few
people
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 earning extremely high salaries will provide
job
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opportunities
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 to other
people
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 with their success. On one hand,
people
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 believe that government controlling and limiting the amount
people
Use synonyms
 earn can eliminate
inequality
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 in society.
People
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 fear that extreme income differences can lead to income
inequality
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.
This
Linking Words
 creates a gap between the rich and the poor .
For example
Linking Words
, Rich
people
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 can easily afford good education and healthcare,
whereas
Linking Words
 the poor will have to struggle to obtain the same.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 because the government can address
inequality
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 by improving access to education and raising minimum wages.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, proponents believe that high-earning members will create
job
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opportunities
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, which is good for the development of their country. Many high-earning members of the society are mostly involved in business. Their success means hiring more employees, which ultimately will help in growing their country's economy.
For example
Linking Words
, Mukesh Ambani, owner of Jio, contributes to approximately 25% of India's economy ,
provides
Correct word choice
and provides
show examples
job
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opportunities
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 to various classes of
people
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 in his company. I find
this
Linking Words
 view more persuasive as high earners create
job
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opportunities
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
people
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 believe that government restricting the wages of
high earning
Add a hyphen
high-earning
show examples
 members can solve discrimination. I firmly believe that the same few
people
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 with extremely high salaries will provide
job
Use synonyms
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to other
people
Use synonyms
 which will ultimately help in growing the economy of our country.

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task achievement
Expand your introduction to clearly state your argument. You could start with a general statement about income disparity before stating your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas with appropriate linking words to enhance flow. Words like 'however', 'for example', and 'moreover' would help.
task achievement
In your conclusion, clearly restate your main argument with a clear summary rather than just mentioning the topic again.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, like Mukesh Ambani, which strengthen your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth inequality
  • economic growth
  • motivation
  • talent acquisition
  • consumer spending
  • tax revenue
  • redistributing wealth
  • market forces
  • income disparity
  • social stability
  • freedom of choice
  • meritocracy
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