IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There are more and more parents working full time. Some people argue that childcare centres are the best in taking care of children of very young age. Others think grandparents are better carer. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

the debate about the suitable environment for childhood
while
Linking Words
 their
parents
Use synonyms
 are at work remains ongoing.
while
Linking Words
 some believe that
kids
Use synonyms
 are more likely to build strong interpersonal skills in childcare
centres
Use synonyms
, others argue that
grandparents
Use synonyms
 will provide a healthy environment for the
kids
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, educational
centres
Use synonyms
 have more advantages by enhancing
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 knowledge across all sectors.
Kids
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 play a significant role in
children
Use synonyms
's interpersonal skills.Most of the
kids
Use synonyms
 grow up with shy personalities, though Interaction and engagement with other
kids
Use synonyms
 in the centre will develop strong communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a 2021 survey of 100
parents
Use synonyms
 conducted in the USA mentioned the kid's
care
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 centre as
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the main responsibility for their kid's communication ability
an
Change preposition
at an
show examples
 early age.
Additionally
Linking Words
, most of the
care
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
 have education strategies for the
kids
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. By providing active lessons
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 learning mathematics through toys or group activities, all these activities enrich
children
Use synonyms
's knowledge and serve as preparation for primary school with a solid foundation. for those
reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 strongly prefer centers over
grandparents
Use synonyms
'
care
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Change noun form
grandparents'
grandparent's
show examples
grandparents
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 provides a suitable condition for
children
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's growth.
grandparents
Use synonyms
' environment is more likely to protect
children
Use synonyms
 from any bacterial infections
such
Linking Words
 as fever.
kids
Use synonyms
 are highly sensitive to any external source and easily get sick.
however
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
centres
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 are full
with
Change preposition
of
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 a mix of
kids
Use synonyms
 with different health problems,
this
Linking Words
 will significantly increase the chance of infection spread.
to sum up
Linking Words
, though
grand
Correct your spelling
grandparents
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 provide more convenient conditions for their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
,
Use synonyms
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
care
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 have several advantages in boosting
kids
Use synonyms
' personal development and growth for long-term success.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly believe that the government should encourage more
parents
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 to attend to their
children
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 in the kid's
care
Use synonyms
 centre to create
generation
Add an article
a generation
show examples
 with strong interpersonal skills.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic, but try to make your opinion more specific.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your points, but could be clearer about your belief.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammar and punctuation; they can improve understanding. For example, use commas correctly.
task achievement
Make sure your points are well explained, especially regarding the benefits of childcare centres.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly, like 'however' and 'also'.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument well, showing a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, which help support your main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • full-time employment
  • childcare centres
  • trained professionals
  • educational activities
  • early development
  • structured environment
  • social interaction
  • social skills
  • personalized attention
  • emotional support
  • formative years
  • wealth of experience
  • nurturing relationship
  • family bonds
  • sense of security
What to do next:
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