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coherence and cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Start with a brief introduction that outlines your main ideas and finish with a conclusion that summarizes them.
task achievement
You need to develop your ideas more. Explain how watching TV affects social skills and give specific examples to support your points.
language use
Be careful with spelling and grammar. There are a few mistakes (e.g., 'influence,' 'impact,' 'depends,' 'their'). Proofread your writing.
task achievement
You have shown a good understanding of the topic and presented an opinion on it.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported.After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
I'm writing this letter after knowing about the closure of the children's playground , firstly, I understand this decision is due to the building materials thrown between the playground and the newly constructed building but, that does not mean there are no alternative solutions for that matter, I hope will decision will be changed for opening it again.
It has become an emergent problem that the global population is increasing at an accelerating speed, whose primary cause is the lack of workers. I partially agree that this is the most serious issue that humans have faced, for its growing negative effect on the environment regardless of the fact that the population rises only in particular areas.
Public health is a multifaceted concern, and the approaches to enhancing it vary widely. While some argue that an increase in sports facilities is the key to a healthier society, others contend that this strategy falls short of addressing the complexities of public health. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives before presenting my own opinion on the matter.
In today's world, a question of how important is it for children to know their rights and wrongdoings, is it better for them to learn it at an early stage or maybe a later stage? More importantly, a lot of parents agree that punishment is indeed necessary to help them learn the difference. In this essay, I will speak more about this subject and tell you to what extent I agree with that statement.