IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The debate about whether it is necessary to travel to other countries or if obtaining information online is same because public could get exact information from social media. this essay will discuss both views.

The debate about whether it is necessary to
travel
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 to other countries or if obtaining
information
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 online is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 because
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 could get exact
information
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 from social
media
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.
this
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 essay will discuss both views. On the one hand, the former group believes that what a
person
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 perceives from his naked eyes is different from what he learns from other sources. To be clearer,
media
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 have limitations in copying the culture and tradition of a geographical area with utmost perfection, and when it is seen in
person
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, the satisfaction level of perception would be superior.
For example
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, it is better to go to China and
experience
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 their living conditions, climate, language and food rather than watching it on visual
media
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 like TV and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, which has limited access to the Chinese indigenous culture.
On the other hand
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,For those who do not have free
time
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 to
travel
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 overseas, there is no need to
travel
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 abroad in
person
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. The
information
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 obtained through mass
media
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 is the same.Modern networks have solved the problem of regional restrictions in tourism，
For example
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, many
people
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 want to
travel
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 abroad to watch the World Cup and
experience
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 the atmosphere of live matches.
Then
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, because the World Cup is held in different countries each
time
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, many
people
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 are unable to apply for tourist visas in a timely manner and give up going to the venue in
person
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. Live television broadcasting allows these
people
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 to watch live matches through the internet without having to physically attend, effectively solving the problem of geographical restrictions. At the same
time
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, live broadcasting
also
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 allows online viewers to feel the tense atmosphere. in my opinion, I am more inclined towards the second. If there is a need for in-depth
experience
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 of culture, it is unquestionable to be there in
person
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. Mass
media
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 in today's society can
also
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 provide effective
information
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. In summary, For those who have
time
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 to
travel
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 in
person
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, going to other countries in
person
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 is the only way to truly
experience
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 every aspect of life in different cultures. For those who don't have
time
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 to
travel
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, mass
media
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 effectively solves the limitations of
time
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 and location, allowing these
people
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 to access the same
information
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 through the internet.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clarify your main points more clearly and logically.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar and punctuation to improve readability.
task achievement
You presented both views well, showing balance in the argument.
task achievement
You used some good examples to illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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