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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the hospital admissions for five hospitals in a European country from 2004 to 2018

The graph below shows the hospital admissions for five hospitals in a European country from 2004 to 2018
The illustrated line graph represents the
addmissions
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admissions
admission
 for five hospitals(Fortsmith, Adlin, Stanton, Bardley and
Oxley
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), which are located in a European
counry
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country
, in a period from 2004 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, Bardley, Adlin, Stanton and Fortsmith hospitals witnessed
growing
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a growing
the growing
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 demand for their services, as opposed to
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a fall
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fall
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falling
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 in
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admissions's
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admissions
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 count
was
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as
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 perceived by
Oxley
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. In the start,
Oxley
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hospital
Capitalize word
Hospital
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 had been at the top
,
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apply
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 but became the lowest in weekly hospital
admissions
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 by 2018 In detail, the most progressive in
admissions
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, Adlin
hospital
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Hospital
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begin
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begins
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from
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with
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 about 125 applications per week. Their number
fluctated untill
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fluctuated until
 2010, when
it
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they
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 started steadily climbing and reached 250
at
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in
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 2018. People visiting Bardley in a week were increasing from 200 to over 250 in 8 years from 2004, but their count hit the low in 2014, becoming just under 250. It recovered to approximately 275 by the end.
Simmilarly
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Similarly
, Stanton's weekly
admissions
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 doubled by 2012, going up to about 150, having started from about 75.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by
decrease
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a decrease
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by
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of
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 around 25 in 2014 and
rise
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a rise
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 to above 150 onwards. Fortsmith's number varied slightly throughout the period, with roughly 175 weekly visitors at the
beggining
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beginning
,
peak
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a peak
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 of about 225 in 2010,
drop
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a drop
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 to nearly 200 in 2012 and
the
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a
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 final of 200
admissons
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admissions
 per week.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Oxley
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drammatically
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dramatically
 declined from under 250 to just over 100 between 2004 and 2018.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words oxley, admissions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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