Government spend a lot of money on public celebration such as national holiday and public festival. Some people say that government must spend money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree

Governement
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Government
Governments
are
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is
show examples
funding most of the public events to commemorate and celebrate the
country
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itself. I strongly agree that the
government
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should
spent
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spend
show examples
money on
festivals
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and
holidays
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because it
represent
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represents
show examples
how the
government
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support the
community
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of their
country
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.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, using some of the
governments
Change to a genitive case
government's
governments'
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funds
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for recreational and other
things
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should
also
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be taken into consideration.
Festivals
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and public
holidays
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are the representation of past events that happened in a specific
country
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.
Government
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represents the
country
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therefore
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it is just right for the
government
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to fund these public events. Festivities
has
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have
show examples
been a
tourism
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factors
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factor
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from
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in
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some countries which promotes not just
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourism
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but
also
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gives a cultural experience to
tourist
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tourists
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or foreign
visitor
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visitors
show examples
.
This
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can boost the
tourism
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economy generating
a
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apply
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more money that can be used for other useful
things
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. It is true that
government
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is responsible for taking care of the
community
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and its people making it valid that
government
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funds
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should be spent more on useful
things
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such
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as health and education.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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as the world
develop
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develops
show examples
and
economy
Add an article
the economy
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is developing
Wrong verb form
develops
show examples
a
country
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should
also
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participate
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
globalization and make sure that the
country
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is visible globally.
Therefore
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, investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
promoting the beauty of the
country
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through public
holidays
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and
festivals
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will not only showcase what
the
Correct your spelling
they
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could offer but it could
also
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generate more
funds
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through
tourism
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. These
funds
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can used to support the development of the
community
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. In conclusion, I agree that it is practical for the
government
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to
spent
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spend
show examples
the
funds
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on useful
things
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.
And spending
Correct word choice
Spending
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it on public
holidays
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and
festivals
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to promote
tourism
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is another way to generate
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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funds
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that can
support
Wrong verb form
be supported
show examples
and spent for the betterment of the
community
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and its people.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines your main points.
coherence
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to help guide the reader.
cohesion
Check for small grammatical errors and make sure the sentences flow better.
task achievement
You provide good reasons supporting your opinion about festivals and holidays.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes your main idea well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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