IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people today feel that physical money will no longer be used in the future. Others feel it will still have some uses. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Nobody can ignore the reality that we are in a digital society today. We buy most of
stuff
Correct pronoun usage
our stuff
show examples
 online paid by mobile banks. Some people really believe
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 physical
money
Use synonyms
 will disappear in the future,
while
Linking Words
 others have the opposite opinion. From my view, I totally agree that the physical
money
Use synonyms
 will no longer be used in the future unless the electricity
disappear
Change the verb form
disappears
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. I believe nobody can disagree that 100%
businesses
Change preposition
of businesses
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 can exchange their deals with digital
money
Use synonyms
, no matter
business -to-business
Add a hyphen
business-to-business
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, or
business-to-consumers
Correct your spelling
business-to-consumer
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, even between two individuals. Paying with digital
money
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
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 many advantages. First of all, It is easier to track the deals. If
the
Correct article usage
a
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 dispute
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
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, it is convenient to prove your payment with the record online.
Secondly
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, the
lost
Replace the word
loss
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 of
money
Use synonyms
 can be avoided. Several decades ago, we often heard the news that
the
Correct article usage
a
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 customer was stolen by
the
Correct article usage
a
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 thief
in
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 train, bus or shop...It seems the thief
disappear
Correct subject-verb agreement
disappears
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 in those public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 as almost everyone doesn’t
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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money
Use synonyms
 with them. Even the wallet disappears. Only three things
are
Verb problem
have
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 been taken,
mobile-phone
Correct your spelling
mobile phone
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, key and credit card. And even only with
mobilephone
Correct your spelling
mobile phones
 as your house’s door can be opened by
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 keyword and payment can be by
online
Add an article
the online
an online
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 wallet.
Third,
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there is a famous film which is about how the main character used
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fake
money
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 or draft, thousands of millions
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of dollar
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dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
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 invented by him, to pay the fee and
do
Verb problem
make
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 the investment, which had a big negative impact on the society and economy. With digital
money
Use synonyms
, it is impossible to get the fake
money
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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 there are some disadvantages with digital
money
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,
for instance
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, your account could be attacked by hackers.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 kind of issue rarely
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
 with the development of cyber security technology and the attention
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the government.
Therefore
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, it is really unnecessary to keep the physical
money
Use synonyms
, especially
everything
Correct word choice
since everything
show examples
 can be done online.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connects smoothly to the next one.
task response
Include a conclusion that summarizes your main points clearly.
task response
Add more specific examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic and present strong points about digital money.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction sets the stage for the discussion well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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