IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems might difference cause? How might these problems be reduced?

It is often argued that urbanized
areas
Use synonyms
 receive more advantages in the aspects of education, healthcare and entertainment,
while
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 the rural regions seem to have fewer benefits in these parts. In my opinion,
this
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 difference can bring the problems of excessive urban population and severe ageing in rural
areas
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. Today, I would like to discuss these issues here and the solutions to solve these problems. The government often invests in education in urban
areas
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, especially those cities with famous universities,
such
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 as Tsinghua University and Peking University. Both of them are located in Beijing, which attracts these
people
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 with abilities. Young
people
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 not only study and live there
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 work there after graduating, which attracts entrepreneurs to come and establish companies, creating more career opportunities. Because of
this
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 background, more and more young
people
Use synonyms
 try to develop better employment prospects and move to Beijing.
This
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 causes excessive urban population growth.
Moreover
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, the allocation of limited resources to a larger number of
people
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 will lead to housing pressure
as well as
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 psychological and physical stress for residents.
On the other hand
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, in those rural
areas
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, there are very few young
people
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 living there, leading to a more severe ageing problem. At the same time, there will be issues of left-behind children, and the region will not develop equally. To solve these issues, I propose the following solutions.
Firstly
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, the government can encourage young
people
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 to live in rural
areas
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 by developing facilities and better housing policies in rural regions.
Secondly
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, the nation can
also
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 provide( announce） some subsidies to attract highly educated individuals who are willing to live in rural
areas
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, which improves economic and educational development. In a nutshell, a rise in
standard
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the standard
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 of living that only occurs in cities may lead to overpopulation and regional disparity. It is vitally important for authorities to take certain actions to achieve a fine balance in the development of urban and rural
areas
Use synonyms

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task achievement
Try to give more specific examples to support your ideas. Examples help to make your points stronger.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows well into the next. You can use more linking words to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all your main points are fully developed. A little more detail or explanation can help clarify your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarizes your main points well.
task achievement
Your essay discusses relevant problems and solutions, showing your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • income gap
  • investment
  • development
  • poverty
  • unemployment rates
  • educational and healthcare disparities
  • migration
  • strain on resources
  • overpopulation
  • housing shortages
  • pollution
  • developmental imbalance
  • food security
  • agricultural productivity
  • sustainability
  • infrastructure
  • rural healthcare and education
  • sustainable agricultural practices
  • technology
  • training
  • markets
  • rural tourism
  • non-agricultural income
  • regional development plan
  • social cohesion
  • equitable growth
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