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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate among the population, some of them think that kids should start their regular
education
Use synonyms
life
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 at very advanced ages
while
Linking Words
 others emphasize
children
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 should begin after
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
seven
years
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 old. Beginning
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school
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 at an early
age
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 has some advantages like fast adaptation to challenges
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
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.
In contrast
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, the
children
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 start more willingness and
capacity
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 to solve problems they encounter after 7
years
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 of
age
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. In
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the start of regular
education
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life
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 at very advanced ages, it facilitates adaptation for students to reach their maximum level in the future.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 encounter a few problems
such
Linking Words
 as miscommunication with their schoolmates and a slow understanding of new lessons. If they start their
education
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 journey at an early
age
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, they can easily tackle these issues and will be distinguished from their peers. Because when their brains adapt to new things in advance, they bring a lot of achievements among the
same-agestudents
Correct your spelling
same-students
same-age students
. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, a pupil in
Quba
Correct article usage
the Quba
show examples
 district in Azerbaijan began his
school
Use synonyms
life
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 at 5
years
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 old and won all diplomas belonging to math.
As a result
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, he always was chosen by the director of the local
school
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 to represent them at international olympiads.
On the other hand
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, starting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school
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 at 7
years
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 old has some personal benefits like willingness and being more mature at
school
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. Almost every
Use synonyms
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
engage
Correct subject-verb agreement
engages
show examples
 with various problems and tries to find their correct version.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 self-adaptation period, they feel more confident to start their
education
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 and prove their skills in front of teachers. They seem like a mature person from the outside , especially their parents and relatives.
Hence
Linking Words
, mothers and fathers really want to see their
children
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to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
ready
Correct your spelling
read
show examples
 the educational activities and prefer to bring potential learners at 7
years
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 old.
For example
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, based on a report by the Times journal, the majority of parents allow their
children
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 to start
school
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 after just 7
years
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 of
age
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.
As a result
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, they feel more comfortable when start their
education
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 journey. In my opinion, it depends on a child’s
capacity
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. If he has more balance to start
school
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 at an early
age
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, it might be the best option for his next
life
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. But a little person who
has
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not enough
capacity
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 to encounter
school
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 challenges at his initial stages, starting after 7
years
Use synonyms
 old is a more appropriate choice for his welfare. In conclusion, some members of the population argue that
children
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 must start their
education
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 at an early
age
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,
however
Linking Words
, other people think that 7
years
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 of
age
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the best time for beginning
school
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. In my view, it depends on personal abilities so those who have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
capacity
Use synonyms
 to start in advance may begin their
education
Use synonyms
.

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Task Response
Your essay introduces the topic, but it would be clearer if you stated your opinion earlier and summarized the key points in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer linking words to connect your ideas, such as 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion'. Also, separate paragraphs for different ideas can help with structure.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, using more data or studies about education could support your views better.
Content
You have presented both views clearly and included examples, which shows a good effort to discuss the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • lifelong love for learning
  • undue pressure
  • young minds
  • emotionally and socially
  • less structured environment
  • play-based learning
  • crucial
  • long-term academic performance
  • well-being
  • balancing early education
  • flexibility
  • best approach
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