IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say that the government should make a decision about people’s lifestyle. Others argue that individuals should make their own decisions about it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

government
Use synonyms
 cannot decide for individual they can support them for
life
Use synonyms
 indi should make
accoding
Correct your spelling
according
thir
Correct your spelling
their
 earning freedom
fo
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
life
Use synonyms
is depending
Wrong verb form
depends
show examples
 on own hand In today`s era,
people
Use synonyms
 are choosing
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 way of
life
Use synonyms
 and
take
Verb problem
making
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 for their
lifestyle
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should decide
Use synonyms
lifestyle
Correct article usage
the lifestyle
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 citizens. In my opinion, individual has to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 for their own
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, as they are independent.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 can choose their personal
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, as they are living in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 independent world.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have total
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to choose
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 way of
life
Use synonyms
, as they are mature enough to follow rules, set by authorities.
Public
Add an article
The public
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 full freedom to choose
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
life
Use synonyms
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 income and resources. they
are earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
 their skills so everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 different financial conditions and they
are spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 money
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
 their income.
For example
Linking Words
, there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done by Western Sydney University,
Correct word choice
that country
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 provide freedom for
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 to their
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more developed
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to other nations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 cannot decide
Use synonyms
lifestyle
Correct article usage
the lifestyle
show examples
 of an individual, because everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 different practical skills and
verying
Correct word choice
very high
show examples
 income
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
ministry
Correct article usage
the ministry
show examples
 can
supporting
Change the verb form
support
be supporting
show examples
 them
for develop
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
Correct article usage
the economay
show examples
economay
Correct your spelling
economy
 of the nation, and can
also
Linking Words
 provide them
Change preposition
with equipments
show examples
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 for business and help them
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
make
Change the form of the verb
making
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 rich.
Although
Linking Words
 authorities cannot balance
Use synonyms
lifestyle
Correct article usage
the lifestyle
show examples
 of every person. If they apply rules for
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, it is unfair
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 others who earn more money and
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 hard.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per the article
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Times of India, if
ministry
Correct article usage
the ministry
show examples
 eual the rules for
lifestyle
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 will not work hard,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 economy of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 will fall. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can help poor
people
Use synonyms
 to grow their
life
Use synonyms
standars
Correct your spelling
standards
 but cannot decide
Use synonyms
lifestyle
Correct article usage
the lifestyle
show examples
 for every individual, as they working hard or they have more
skillsets
Correct your spelling
skill sets
show examples
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to others.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly outline each main point in the introduction and ensure they are addressed in each paragraph.
task achievement
Use more accurate grammar and spelling to improve clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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