IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that money must be spent on promoting the use of bicycles in cities while others think cities must spend on public transport discuss both views and give your opinion

Raising funds for public
transportation
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 is becoming a significant part of every nation. Some folks argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the government should utilise a sufficient amount of public
transport
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,
however
Linking Words
, others suggest that
this
Linking Words
 money should be
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 to encourage the
use
Use synonyms
 of
cycles
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay elucidates both plots
such
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 as bicycles reduce pollution, and health problems but I believe sharing vehicles brings economic support and reduces traffic issues. On the one hand, the primary reason for promoting bicycles is, it addresses the issue of air pollution in the urban areas. Cars and bikes release waste gases from fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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such
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 as petrol and diesel, which increases the level of carbon dioxide and other toxic gases.
For example
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, if
people
Use synonyms
 ride
cycles
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instead
Linking Words
 of these vehicles, it helps to reduce the level of unhealthy air particles.
Moreover
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, the
use
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 of
cycles
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 makes
people
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 healthy and fit. The ride of the bicycle can burn lots of calories, tighten muscles and improve blood circulation in the body.
For instance
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, many developed countries organise cycle marathon activities monthly to promote the
use
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 of
cycles
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 and provide free
cycles
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 for adults to make them healthy.
On the other hand
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, spending money on the development of public
transport
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 can eradicate the problem of traffic congestion. In big cities,
people
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 prefer to
use
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 personal vehicles rather than buses and trains, because of the poor
facilities
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 of public
transport
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. The municipal corporation should focus on reliable and well-developed
transportation
Use synonyms
facilities
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, which encourage
people
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 to
use
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 them.
Additionally
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, more usage of public
transportation
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 increases the economy of the country. Good
transportation
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facilities
Use synonyms
 bring more
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
, and it helps the authority raise funds and create ways to financial support. In conclusion,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
although
Linking Words
, Spending on bicycles can reduce the risk of air pollution and promote a healthy lifestyle.
However
Linking Words
, on the other side, spending on public
transport
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 raises the growth of the economy and brings awareness among citizens.
Therefore
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, I favour, the government should spend a significant amount on fascinating public
transport
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your main ideas are clear and easy to follow for the reader. Use transition words to connect your points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas. This helps the reader understand your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentences to make your writing more interesting. This also helps in keeping the reader engaged.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is good for discussion essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction gives a clear view of what the essay will discuss.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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