IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Computers are being used more and more in education and some say there will soon be no role for the teacher in education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is indisputable that the education sector has been impacted significantly by the
technology
Use synonyms
 .
As a result
Linking Words
, some believe that soon the teachers' role will be replaced by these computers.
This
Linking Words
 essay firmly disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 perspective, as
technology
Use synonyms
 has limitations to work on and essential improvements to be effective in education. One key reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that teaching students requires interacting emotionally and understanding their feelings to transfer the knowledge properly. To illustrate, the abilities of classmates are various;
therefore
Linking Words
, teachers need to be aware of each student's ability in order to navigate the most efficient method to teach them.
For example
Linking Words
, some students prefer to listen to the information,
while
Linking Words
 others are keen on receiving the information visually.
This
Linking Words
 variety of requirements cannot be met by current
technology
Use synonyms
 yet;
hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 role will not be covered effectively by computers.
In addition
Linking Words
, programming computers to displace educators will costs are high compared to hiring them, as providing advanced devices and programs is critical in educating students.
For instance
Linking Words
, a private school stated that installing
such
Linking Words
 devices was a poor choice that led to debt and financial burdens on the school.
This
Linking Words
 adverse experience proved that relying on
technology
Use synonyms
 is not an effective option
due to
Linking Words
 its expensive price. In conclusion, despite people having different viewpoints, I tend to believe that
although
Linking Words
 developing the education sector was done by technological solutions, educators cannot be replaced yet because the
technology
Use synonyms
 requires
further
Linking Words
 improvements to meet their level;
moreover
Linking Words
, the cost of
such
Linking Words
 an organizational plan to substitute the human power is considered a difficult barrier to deal with.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction provides a clear position but could be more concise. Try to make your thesis statement more direct and strong.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure clear connections between ideas in paragraphs. Using linking words can enhance flow and understanding.
task achievement
In your paragraphs, explain the examples more fully. This helps to strengthen your argument and supports your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
You clearly state your disagreement with the idea that computers will replace teachers.
task achievement
Your discussion of emotional interaction in teaching is a strong point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: