IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many cities an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and they seem no longer develop any sense of community. 1 Analyze the main reasons; 2 What measures can be taken to improve this?

With the rapid development of cellphones and electronic communication equipment, there are plenty of
people
Use synonyms
 who don't tend to walk outdoors and make friends with their
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
, which extremely reduces
people
Use synonyms
's awareness of
Use synonyms
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
. The reasons the essay will examine for
this
Linking Words
 problem and the solutions taken to improve the
Use synonyms
neighborhood
Use the right word
neighbourhood
show examples
 spirits among
people
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 will be as
followed
Wrong verb form
follows
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. First and foremost, the social competition pressure represents the greatest problem
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it is obvious that modern urban life has a fast pace, high work pressure, and
people
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 have no time to participate in
community
Use synonyms
 activities, resulting in reduced
Use synonyms
neighborhood
Use the right word
neighbourhood
show examples
 interaction.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the crisis of trust
also
Linking Words
takes
Verb problem
plays
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part
Correct article usage
a part
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 in the situation
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 some crime in cities makes residents wary of strangers and unwilling to actively communicate.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, the styles and shapes of the modern building make the relationship among
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
 even worse
, after
Punctuation problem
. After
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 the changes in housing design, modern residential buildings are mostly enclosed designs, reducing opportunities for natural contact between
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
. How should we improve our bonds with our
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
? To start with, I think we are supposed to raise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness of the importance
to create
Change preposition
of creating
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 a good
Use synonyms
neighborhood
Use the right word
neighbourhood
show examples
 atmosphere by
organizing
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organising
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 several
community
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 activities.
For instance
Linking Words
, regularly hold gatherings and
community
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 activities to promote
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neighborhood
Use the right word
neighbourhood
show examples
 communication.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we can strengthen security measures
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 installing monitoring and access control systems to reduce residents' safety concerns and enhance trust. Meanwhile, promoting mutual aid culture is
also
Linking Words
 an incredible idea,with which we can establish
Use synonyms
neighborhood
Use the right word
neighbourhood
show examples
 mutual aid mechanisms to restore
community
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 cohesion. In conclusion, good relationships among
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
 and a strong sense of
community
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 benefit every resident in the
community
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.
Although
Linking Words
 it's difficult for us to reduce the time we spend on work or other
stuffs
Fix the agreement mistake
stuff
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, we can better
utilize
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utilise
show examples
 our spare time to establish strong connections with our
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
 and communities.

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development
For each idea, give a short example or detail so your point is clear.
structure
Use a clear plan and small steps: first causes, then ways to fix; use linking words to move from one idea to the next.
language
Use short and easy words. Make long ideas into short sentences to aid meaning.
grammar
Check small grammar mistakes like 'as followed' and 'other stuffs' and fix them.
examples
Add more real life examples from home or work to show how ideas can work.
content
The topic is clearly set and the steps to fix the issue are shown.
structure
There are good tries to link ideas with 'First', 'Moreover', 'Last but not least'.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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