IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

19 .As the world has become technological advance, computer are replacing more and more jobs that maybe lose because of computer. Discuss at lear one problem that may result.

there is no denying the fact that
technology
Use synonyms
 become
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 thing in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 these days.
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the problems that may occur
as a result
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 of replacing humans with computers and how it will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 our world .
to begin
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 with, there are many problems
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 replacing jobs with computers and
technology
Use synonyms
.
firstly
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, many people will lose their jobs and they will face financial issues.
in other words
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, their families will
face
Verb problem
be
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depriving
Wrong verb form
deprived
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 of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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important things like health and education .
in addition
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, job opportunities will decrease irrespective of individual experiences. in terms of Automating several careers has become crucial to
dovelpes
Correct your spelling
develops
 companies works. it is possible to say that globalization
on
Change preposition
apply
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these days requires development in institutional work.
moreover
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,
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
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 hands
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
enaphe
Correct your spelling
enable
 to bear the burden of work.
For instance
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, companies need huge numbers of employees that they can replace them with electronic machines so it will take the financial advantage because they will not buy a lot of money as a salary for
theire
Correct your spelling
their
 employees .
however
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, companies will face security issues, so it is important to say cybersecurity will become one of the most significant
speiality
Correct your spelling
speciality
 in the world
also
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 information
technology
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 as well. in conclusion, there are many problems of technological
advance
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
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 that have an impact on our lives. it is
also
Linking Words
 true that keeping up with life changes is not a choice nowadays. people need to learn new skills especially those related to
technology
Use synonyms
 to improve their lives so they can achieve their ambitions.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence structure for clarity and flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic.
task achievement
The essay presents important issues related to technology and jobs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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