The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think that it is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believed that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Children

Use synonyms

obseity

Correct your spelling

obesity

has become an

essensial

Correct your spelling

essential

problem

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

in developed countries.

While

Linking Words

there still exist some underlying reasons cause to

children

Use synonyms

obesity, I indeed agree that the rapid development of fast

food

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outlets and the

neglection

Replace the word

neglect

show examples

of parents are one of the main factors. On one hand, the increasing number of fast

food

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industries and companies indirectly causes the growing number of overweight

children

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. When the fast

food

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industries

haven't

Verb problem

didn't

show examples

developed

Wrong verb form

develop

show examples

rapidly, people had more choices in diet

Change preposition

than

show examples

the past. But now when you walk into the shopping mall, over 50%

Change preposition

of restourants

show examples

restourants

Correct your spelling

restaurants

are fast

food

Use synonyms

even junk

food

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

Macdonlond

Correct your spelling

Macdonald

On the other hand

Linking Words

, parents--as the first

respondees

Correct your spelling

responders

show examples

children

Use synonyms

's growth--have to take over the responsibilities

Change preposition

show examples

children

Use synonyms

health

Use synonyms

. Some parents neglect

children

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's diet

health

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and permit them to grab fast

food

Use synonyms

which are lack of

nuitrition

Correct your spelling

nutrition

. Even though many parents are

bomboarded

Correct your spelling

bombarded

with their work, they still have to consider their

children

Use synonyms

health

Use synonyms

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

. Apart from the two reasons mentioned above, there are some

foundamental

Correct your spelling

fundamental

society

Replace the word

societal

show examples

and

education

Replace the word

educational

show examples

reasons lying in the

children

Use synonyms

obesity

issue

Use synonyms

First,

Linking Words

the current educational system and timetable hinder

children

Use synonyms

to do exercise.

For example

Linking Words

, in China, students are packed with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

full-day courses and have to sit in the classroom for almost a whole day, which means that they have no time to do aerobic exercise to keep fit.

Second,

Linking Words

the developed countries have more

fast

Correct word choice

faster

show examples

living speed than other underdeveloped countries, which means people are more busy with their work.

Therefore

Linking Words

, fast

food

Use synonyms

, known as its

efficent

Correct your spelling

efficient

and convenient,

meet

Correct subject-verb agreement

meets

show examples

their requirements most.

Use synonyms

Children

Change noun form

Children's

show examples

obesity is a societal

issue

Use synonyms

rather than a

health

Use synonyms

issue

Use synonyms

superfically

Correct your spelling

superficially

. Every stakeholder in society should raise their attention to

this

Linking Words

issue

Use synonyms

asllchkiedMon Jun 23 2025

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language

Please check spelling and grammar. Words like 'obseity', 'essensial', 'neglection', and 'restourants' have mistakes.

coherence

Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects to your topic. Sometimes it is hard to follow your thoughts.

task achievement

Try to give clear examples for each point you make. This helps the reader understand your argument better.

task achievement

You clearly present two main reasons for child obesity, which shows your understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

overweight
developed countries
fast food outlets
sedentary lifestyle
calories
fat
sugar
weight gain
convenience
affordability
nutrition
healthy eating habits
socioeconomic status
access to
government policies
regulations
advertising restrictions
holistic approach
intervention

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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think that it is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believed that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

some people believe that that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays many young people are attracted to dangerous sport such as snowboarding or mountain biking. What makes these sports so attractive? What measures should be taken to minimize the risks?

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do you think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants. Other people prefer to prepare and eat food at home. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.