ome people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

Today, some members of society think that
music
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is an appropriate approach to attracting the population together in terms of culture and age. l absolutely agree with
this
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concept because different backgrounds and years of age cause a strong relationship and exchange of traditional values among
people
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. In
favor
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favour
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of
music
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’s role in international relations, it provides some positive benefits which are essential to meet the global scale of cultures and ages. One of them is vast communication and negotiation between individuals who represent various regions in the
music
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sector. Because
music
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is a successful way to bring
people
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to the same places like singing a song and arranging an event in
this
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sector.
Hence
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, global relationships increase through
music
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day by day.
For example
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, The Weekend is a well-known singer in the world
celebrates
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who celebrates
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musical events each year
at
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in
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different countries to reach a broad audience around the region.
As a result
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, he and his fans enhance strong negotiations with each other and share their interest .
On the other hand
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, the exchange of traditional values improves individuals’ perceptions and outlooks in
music
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. During, the chords and melodies of
music
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,
people
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encounter various quotas and thoughts.
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However
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However,
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these differentiations do not affect their interest in
music
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.
However
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, they again listen to
music
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and go to concerts regardless of cultural differences. Even it causes
to
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us to
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learn new traditional habits and values around the world. To illustrate
this
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, the BTS is a popular band group that achieved widespread Asian culture among teenagers. In summary, all young generations prefer to adopt their image and even wear like them. In conclusion,
music
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is the best way to collect
people
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regardless of their cultural differences and ages at the same place.
This
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idea enhances a strong relationship and brings exchanging of traditional habits around the world.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it well. This improves understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler sentences to make your ideas clearer. Avoid too many complex ideas in one sentence.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples related to different cultures and ages. This helps support your points better.
task achievement
In your conclusion, clearly restate your main points to reinforce your opinion.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about music bringing people together, which is good to see.
task achievement
You included relevant examples like The Weekend and BTS, which helps make your points stronger.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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