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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, students live with their family while studying at a university. In other countries, students attend university in another city. Do you think the advantages of living away from the family home while attending university outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, education plays a vital role in a student's life,
moreover
Linking Words
 how reputed their college is, strengthens their career.
This
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 has prompted a debate about whether the positives of choosing a
far away
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far-away
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 college
outweighs
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outweigh
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 the negatives. I largely agree with the former idea and will discuss the reasons for the same.
To begin
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 with, the main reason is the better opportunities it offers in an individual's career.
This
Linking Words
 includes selecting a good college or choosing a stream which they want.
For example
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, in my time, I chose to study in VIT, Tamil Nadu despite coming from Punjab in India, mainly because of two reasons one, the better quality of education which they offered and
second,
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the course which I wanted.
Furthermore
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, a student with mediocre scores can
also
Linking Words
 expand their reach if they look beyond the area where they are living. Adding on to it, another point to consider is the independence that it offers.
While
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 critics may argue that since
,
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 students have a change of environment it may make them homesick
on the contrary
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,
that is
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 just temporary. To illustrate,
while
Linking Words
 I shifted from the north to the south of the country it was a big change for me as well but as time passed, I focused on the superior motive behind it.
Moreover
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, when you experience different cultures and get to know people from diverse backgrounds, it enriches your journey on a deeper level. In conclusion, there may be minor disadvantages like
,
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 homesickness and a change of environment at the beginning.
In contrast
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, the benefits it offers
such
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 as
,
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 better quality of education or
variety
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a variety
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 of streams, independence, cultural exposure and a diverse background outshine the minute negatives. By choosing better opportunities and
experience
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experiences
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, students can definitely become successful and become well-rounded individuals.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the connection between sentences and ideas. Using more linking words could help your essay flow better.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more examples and detail in your main points to really show your ideas clearly.
task achievement
Your introduction is good, but the conclusion could summarize your main points more clearly.
task achievement
Your essay clearly states your opinion, which is great for task response.
task achievement
You provided a personal example which makes your argument stronger.
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