IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefits, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals think that people should utilize
animals
Use synonyms
 as a source for their own
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 hold different opinions that
animals
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 living beings and they have
Correct article usage
the
show examples
privileged
Replace the word
privilege
show examples
to live
Change preposition
of living
show examples
 in
safe
Add an article
a safe
show examples
 and friendly environment. I agree with the latter notion that
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
 should be protected with the joint efforts of
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 and government. To commence with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientists are using
animals
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as rats and rabbits to conduct different experiments in order to produce medicines for the welfare of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity .
These
Change the determiner
This
show examples
 excruciating research has
adverse
Add an article
an adverse
show examples
 impact on the health of innocent
animals
Use synonyms
 and they cannot
express
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per a survey, thousands of
animals
Use synonyms
 have
Add a missing verb
been
show examples
sent to the laboratory for distinct experiences and many of them are killed
due to
Linking Words
 the side effects of the new medicine.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some individuals use these
animals
Use synonyms
 for eating purposes to
satisfied
Change the form of the verb
satisfy
show examples
 their taste buds as they think it is a source of protein which
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
potent
Correct article usage
a potent
show examples
 and healthy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
animals
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as chickens and pigs are used in order to get meat for non-vegetarian people on
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 scale.
On the other hand
Linking Words
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I
also
Linking Words
 believe that
rights
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 should be protected. The higher authorities should take legal
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 against the masses who misuse the available
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
. The government should develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nationl
Correct your spelling
national
 parks and
sanctuary
Fix the agreement mistake
sanctuaries
show examples
 for the protection where they can live peacefully with families without any stress. To add more , the researchers should find
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 alternative path to test their medicine which would be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great relief for the
animals
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per BBC News, more than 20 national parks
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been constructed where
animals
Use synonyms
 can produce offspring and live in exquisite situations under the supervision of experts.
To conclude
Linking Words
, obtaining benefits from
animals
Use synonyms
 is not
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right path
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
although
Linking Words
, let them
free
Add a missing verb
be free
show examples
 to explore natural habitats in the form of sanctuaries will bring much more happiness to their life .

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task achievement
Clearly outline your main points in the introduction to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer transitions between points to improve flow; for example, use phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition'.
task achievement
Provide specific examples in every point to make your arguments stronger; for example, share more details about the alternatives to animal testing.
task achievement
You showed a clear opinion about the protection of animal rights.
task achievement
You provided some examples which support your points, like the use of animals in research.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal rights
  • exploitation
  • ethical considerations
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem balance
  • animal welfare
  • suffering
  • humane treatment
  • medical research
  • environmental sustainability
  • natural food chain
  • technological alternatives
What to do next:
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