IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in TV, videos games & other types of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How do you think problem can be tackled?

In today`s era, violence and
crime
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 level categories of
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the movie
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movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 increasing and
also
Linking Words
rapidley
Correct your spelling
rapidly
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 violent
games
Use synonyms
 as well, because of
this
Linking Words
parents
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 have
concern
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a concern
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 about their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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.
This
Linking Words
 affects children`s mentality and that can make them violent in future but
parents
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 can guide them in
positive
Change the article
a positive
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 way and ask them to stop watching
nagative
Correct your spelling
negative
movies
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Correct article usage
an increase
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increase
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increased
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 rate of violence can affect children`s
mind
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minds
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nagetively
Correct your spelling
negatively
, as they can be more violent and cruel.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
crime
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 rates in society can increase, so people can
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 their moral values.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if
child
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the child
a child
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 is inspired by violent
movies
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 or
games
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 they can be
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a victim
the victim
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victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
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 of
crime
Use synonyms
 in their life, and
also
Linking Words
 can kill someone
while
Linking Words
 trying to
raplicate
Correct your spelling
replicate
 those films. For
intstance
Correct your spelling
instance
,
research
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the research
a research
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 study
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
Times
Correct article usage
the Times
show examples
 of India says that, kids who are addicted to
crime
Use synonyms
movies
Use synonyms
 or web series
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 in future. In order to eradicate
this
Linking Words
 problem,
parents
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 can restrict their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 and can
also
Linking Words
 motivate them to stop watching
such
Linking Words
movies
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 and stop playing violent
games
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. Family can
also
Linking Words
 guide them on
better
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a better
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 path and
tech
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teach
show examples
 them good habits,
such
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 as helping others and charity work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government can
also
Linking Words
 play
vital
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a vital
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 role in order to
contol
Correct your spelling
control
violent
Replace the word
violence
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 spread through
movies
Use synonyms
 and they can
also
Linking Words
 review a film before it is actually available
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done by Western Sydney University
,
Correct word choice
that, crime
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
the crime
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 rate is very low in some nations where violent
movies
Use synonyms
 and
games
Use synonyms
 are banned for
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 under 18. In conclusion, pupils who watch adult or violent
movies
Use synonyms
 can be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 in future so
parents
Use synonyms
 should stop them
Linking Words
such
Change preposition
from such
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of films and
ministry
Correct article usage
the ministry
show examples
 has to control and stop
Linking Words
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of films for
children`s
Change noun form
children
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure each part of your essay clearly answers the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve structure.
task achievement
Add more details and examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors.
task achievement
You identified the key issues related to violence in media effectively.
task achievement
You suggested solutions that involve both parents and the government.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Desensitization
  • Aggression
  • Cognitive development
  • Behavioral impact
  • Age ratings
  • Parental controls
  • Media literacy
  • Entertainment mediums
  • Psychological consequences
  • Normative behavior
  • Social interaction skills
  • Regulatory measures
  • Access restrictions
  • Violent content
  • Entertainment industry
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