IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Schools are no longer necessary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home. What extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 day and age, many people believe that
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internet-learning
Correct your spelling
internet learning
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 and self-study
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more important than going to schools because of the prevalence of the World Wide Web. In my perspective, I completely disagree with the view above.
This
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 essay will discuss and give out reasons as
followed
Wrong verb form
follows
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.
Firstly
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, the
Internet
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 has been deeply woven into everyday life and has become very sophisticated. It allows users to gain access
on
Change preposition
to
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 all up-to-date information.
Moreover
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, there are
also
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 websites specialized for learning that let children learn at their
pace
Correct word choice
own pace
show examples
 and track down their progress.
Therefore
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,
kids
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 can accumulate more knowledge on a certain subject based on their learning speed.
For instance
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, Research University in America has pinpointed that children who often use the
Internet
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 to learn are able to foster knowledge faster than others who study at
school
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.
However
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, without the guidance of the teachers, students might misuse the
Internet
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 for their purposes, and they might be unintentionally addicted to games and films.
Thus
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, it is of importance that children should attend
school
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 to nurture their discipline.
Secondly
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,
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Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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 may be
the
Correct article usage
a
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 useful gadget that students need, but too much exposure to
screentimes
Correct your spelling
screentime
 causes health problems
such
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 as nearsightedness or brain disorder.
In addition
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, less involvement in outdoor exercises
put
Wrong verb form
puts
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kids
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 in jeopardy of having
seizure
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seizures
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 or heart
attack
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attacks
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.
Consequently
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,
kids
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 should go to
school
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instead
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 of staying at home to study on the
internet
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. In conclusion,
kids
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 are encouraged to study at
school
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 rather than go to the
internet
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 because it puts them
at
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in
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 certain difficulties

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your main ideas in an organized way. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to connect your ideas better, like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or studies to support your points. This can help strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Check your sentence structure and grammar for clarity. Some sentences can be clearer and easier to read.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion in your introduction, which helps set up your essay's purpose.
task achievement
You make some good points about the importance of schools and their role in children's discipline and health.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social development
  • fostering communication
  • personalized guidance
  • immediate feedback
  • replicated
  • structured environments
  • discipline
  • time management skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • nurture talents
  • inculcate
  • sense of community
  • shared learning experiences
  • equal access
  • learning opportunities
What to do next:
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