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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph shows data about the average Saturday sales of two bakeries in London in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Kausar

The graph shows data about the average Saturday sales of two bakeries in London in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Kausar
The bar chart provides information about
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 illustrates
ownership
Use synonyms
 by level of education in the years 2002 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 increased steadily over the whole period. The highest rate of
ownership
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 was observed among those with postgraduate qualifications,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest was recorded among people without a high
school
Use synonyms
 diploma. In both 2002 and 2010, postgraduate and bachelor’s degree holders had the highest levels of
computer
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ownership
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. Postgraduates started at 80% in 2002 and rose to 100% by 2010.
Similarly
Linking Words
, undergraduate students began at around 75% and increased to 95%. Following these groups, high
school
Use synonyms
 graduates and college students
also
Linking Words
 showed relatively high
ownership
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 rates. High
school
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 graduates started at about 40% and rose to approximately 68%,
while
Linking Words
 college students began at 60% and climbed to 90%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people without a high
school
Use synonyms
 diploma had the lowest percentage of
computer
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ownership
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.
This
Linking Words
 group started at nearly 15% and saw an increase of around 44%, reaching just under 60% by 2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, ownership, school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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