Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

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Studying academic educational
programs
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to develop
skills
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has become more efficient and revolutionised various fields of employment, globally. It is often said that too much attention is given to student learning rather than focusing on extracurricular
activities
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whereas
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some believe that the government should allocate more funds to developing leisure
activities
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, as
this
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could support their
overall
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development.
This
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essay will explain why an equal amount of resources should be used for both cases. The most common reasons for giving importance to academic modules seem to be based on enhancing knowledge by using a variety of
programs
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of studies or developing critical
skills
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. In recent years, engagement in learning academic syllabi and attending seminars to develop problem-solving, interpersonal
skills
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or decision-making
skills
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has improved the way how people can be successful in various fields.
This
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has not only reduced the stress level but
also
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helped learners tackle difficult tasks during job interviews, leading to the development of a secure future.
For instance
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, when the authorities spend on literacy that ensures equal opportunities, reduces inequality and fosters innovation, the expectations of providing an advanced learning system have increased, generating more interest in learning new
programs
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of studies among the young generation. Leisure
activities
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also
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play a key role in developing physical abilities, creativity, and arts by joining sports clubs or extracurricular
programs
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, as these essential
skills
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will support to exploration of the hidden talents of candidates
such
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as dancing, singing, running, or painting. After raising funds to improve these
skills
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in schools or colleges, there will be several options for learners to choose their area of interest. Mental disorders, and engaging in crime would not be addressed unless these opportunities are provided to students at a very early age, since the young age is very critical to distract them easily. The more the government focus on investing in fostering these
skills
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, the lower the crime rate or abusive environment will be, promoting a sense of community and belonging, which is essential for personal and social development. In conclusion, even though education remained a primary goal of the authorities' expenditure, extracurricular
activities
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also
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deserve equal importance, particularly, in terms of improving physical health and exploring new capabilities.
Submitted by ksimarjeet225 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, consider using more transitions between ideas, particularly in the paragraphs discussing leisure activities.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on your examples and arguments regarding leisure activities and their benefits.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, guiding the reader through the main argument effectively.
task achievement
There is a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument adequately.
task achievement
The essay maintains a good level of detail and provides various examples supporting the main points, enhancing the reader's understanding.

Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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