IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

At present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, a large number of some countries' populations
consists
Correct subject-verb agreement
consist
show examples
 of young adults, compared with the elderly. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the merits in terms of higher productivity and having a healthier
nation
Use synonyms
 and demerits in terms of dangerous behaviours and accommodation will be discussed. One of the main advantages of a young
nation
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 is high productivity. Young
people
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 are eager to
work
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 in different sectors including factories,
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
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 system and the like without
becomming
Correct your spelling
becoming
 exhausted easily. Since these individuals have a healthy body, they can even
work
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 in multiple places.
Thus
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, the amount of taxes they pay will be high and
also
Linking Words
 their country will benefit from having a productive
nation
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who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 keeps working. Another advantage is having a healthy country. The proportion of deadly diseases
as well as
Linking Words
 disabilities is higher among the elderly compared to the youngsters. Younger
people
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 can easily go to
gym
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the gym
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 and keep their body and mind in a healthy condition. These days, many workplaces even have some indoor
sport
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sports
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 facilities which
enables
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enable
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 their employees to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
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 during their spare time.
However
Linking Words
, there are some disadvantages including
dangerious
Correct your spelling
dangerous
 behaviours. Youngsters have plenty of energy and enthusiasm. If these
people
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 do not discharge them properly, it is highly likely that they turn to aggressive behaviours including violation.
For example
Linking Words
, in many countries with a young
population
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population,
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 the share of addicted
people
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 and criminality is high. Other than that, providing accommodation is another important issue. These days, the majority of factories and businesses are located in cities.
As a result
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, individuals have to live in towns in order to be able to make a living. Since these cities have limited space, the only short-term solution is building skyscrapers and multi-store buildings.
However
Linking Words
, a
nation
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which
Change preposition
in which
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 most of its
people
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 are working-class individuals and have children will need more of these
,
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apply
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 because unlike the elderly who do not
work
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 and may only require a calm place in the countryside, the youngsters need a home in
city
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the city
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center
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centre
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 near
where
Correct article usage
the where
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 they
work
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 a young
nation
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 may suffer from possible aggressive actions and accommodation problems, high productivity
as well as
Linking Words
 having a healthy
nation
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 are more important advantages.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. Simply stating ideas is not enough; you should illustrate them with real-life situations or data.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check your spelling and grammar carefully. Improving these will help make your writing clearer and more effective.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and gives a good overview of what you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are organized and you present your ideas in a logical way, which helps the reader to follow your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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