IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents prefer to stay in care homes after their retirement instead of staying with their children. Why is this happening? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

In the present age, more and more elderly
parents
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 prefer to move into
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
care homes
a care home
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care
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homes
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 to help them in their daily lives as they get older and retire from their jobs, but it has
drawbacks
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 as well .
This
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 essay will examine the benefits and
drawbacks
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 of
care
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homes
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 and will provide a logical conclusion. The two main advantages of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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care
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homes
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 are taking
care
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 of their
health
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 and entertaining them
in
Change preposition
at
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anytime
Replace the word
any time
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.
Firstly
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, many of the
parents
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 after quitting their jobs prefer to stay near
to
Change preposition
apply
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someone who has the ability and spare time to look after their
health
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 and help them with their medicine.
For instance
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, some elderly
parents
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 are not able to walk alone
so
Correct word choice
apply
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that
Correct word choice
which
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 a lack of physical activity which will damage their bodies in the short term.
Secondly
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, some of the
parents
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 do not have any kids to sit and listen to them in their spare time or perhaps they do not match
the
Change the word
their
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 energy
of
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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so they prefer someone who is from their age and generation.
Moreover
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, it has many benefits but there are some
drawbacks
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 too,
such
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 as the lack of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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communication
of
Change preposition
in
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 the family. Some
parents
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 even
though
Correct word choice
apply
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want to sit next to their kids no matter what they have
of
Change preposition
apply
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health
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 problems and so these places minimize the duration of the family gathering and break the family apart.
For example
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, many
parents
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 will feel alone in these places because they are used to
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
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 the faces of their kids in a daily routine so
this
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 will build a new gap in their new life.
However
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, it may
has
Wrong verb form
have
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 some issues but the proper management of time between the family could solve
this
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 issue. In conclusion,
care
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homes
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 may have many
drawbacks
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such
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 as the lack of communication between the family can be fixed in proper ways and they
also
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 have many benefits like taking
care
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 of their
health
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 and entertaining them
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in my opinion I think the advantages can outweigh the disadvantages

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task achievement
Make sure to add more examples to explain your points clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer structure in your paragraphs, with clear topic sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Improve your conclusion by summarizing your main points in a simple way.
content
You have a good introduction that explains what the essay is about.
content
You mention both advantages and disadvantages, which is good for task response.
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