Many young people say that mobile phones are the most important object that they own. Does the popularity of mobile phones among young people have more advantages or disadvantages?

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Currently, electronic devices

such

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as smartphones, computers, and tablets play a crucial role in our daily lives. A growing number of individuals consider

phones

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to be the most significant

gadget

Fix the agreement mistake

gadgets

show examples

they own. In my view,

this

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trend has more disadvantages than advantages for young

people

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as excessive reliance on mobile

phones

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is not a positive development. On one hand, the prevalence of mobile devices in everyday life has made

people

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heavily dependent on them. Young individuals particularly regard

phones

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as their most valuable possession, carrying them wherever they go.

This

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due to

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the convenience they offer in solving various daily problems,

such

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as ordering food through apps, booking movie tickets online, and making payments through banking applications.

Consequently

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, busy young

people

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are drawn to

this

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social convenience, leading to the widespread belief that

phones

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are indispensable. Despite these benefits, I still maintain that

this

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prevailing inclination

also

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brings drawbacks.

On the other hand

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, the popularity and excessive reliance on mobile

phones

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have a detrimental impact on the practical skills of adolescents,

such

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as problem-solving and communication skills. By integrating mobile

phones

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deeply into their lives, young

people

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may miss out on opportunities to communicate effectively with friends and family.

For instance

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, teenagers often prioritize achieving high scores in games, inadvertently neglecting their parents' emotions.

As a result

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, they may sacrifice the chance to create lasting memories and quality time with their families, ultimately regretting their excessive focus on

phones

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. In conclusion,

while

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phones

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are undeniably essential for addressing social challenges, I firmly believe that an over-reliance on mobile devices can lead to the loss of invaluable moments and relationships. Young

people

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should strive to strike a balance between using

phones

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for practical purposes and engaging in meaningful interpersonal interactions.

haixiuxiaoniniFri Jun 21 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

To elevate your score further, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas. This can be achieved by using more varied linking phrases.

Task Achievement

Be sure to elaborate on specific examples in greater detail to provide more depth to your arguments. This can enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.

Task Achievement

Consider addressing counterarguments before refuting them to present a balanced perspective. This will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which frame the main arguments effectively.

Task Achievement

The ideas are generally clear and relevant, supported by appropriate examples that illustrate the main points.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure is well-maintained, making it easy to follow the progression of the argument.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Many young people say that mobile phones are the most important object that they own. Does the popularity of mobile phones among young people have more advantages or disadvantages?

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside? What problems does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem?

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You would like to work in a different city to be closer to your family Write a letter to your employer to request a transfer to another office. Explain why you would like to move Request that your employer place you in a specific city Request that it be completed by a certain date