IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some
people
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 often consider an ideal
society
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 and try to realize that
situation
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 in practical contexts. In fact, having those images in our brains is one of the most creative activities, and, by doing so, our
society
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 has been developed over thousands of years.
Hence
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, in
this
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 essay, I will discuss my ideal
society
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 and suggest a method for us to achieve that
society
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.
To begin
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 with, the
society
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 that I aspire to is far from the current world where several wars are occurring, large economic disparities exist and some
people
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 are dying
due to
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 poverty.
In contrast
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, in my ideal
society
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, the existence of
money
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 completely disappeared, and when
people
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 purchase something, they need to pay not with
money
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 but with things they have. The reason why I define
this
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situation
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 as the best
situation
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 for the entire community is because I consider that the existence of
money
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 is the biggest cause of those problems.
For example
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, some nations start wars because they want to obtain more natural resources and those resources generate a significant profit, and some poor citizens cannot take education
due to
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 the lack of financial capital, leading to the chain of poverty. From these cases, it becomes obvious that the most fundamental cause is the existence of
money
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 itself.
Therefore
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, even now, I imagine that if
money
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 completely disappeared from our
society
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, those serious issues would be resolved, so, my ideal
society
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 is where
people
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 can obtain every product through barter.
On the other hand
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, as some
people
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 argue, the realization of that
situation
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 is significantly difficult because we need to change the entire societal system from the most basic aspect. Certainly, I acknowledge those extremely challenging aspects, but it is
also
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 true that I cannot overlook those issues.
Then
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, I came up with a possible solution, and it was international cooperation.
This
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 means that if I try to realize my ideal
society
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 by myself, I cannot realize that
society
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 because of my limited power and impact on
society
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.
However
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, if
people
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 in every country understood my logic and helped each other to achieve that dream, that realization would be possible
due to
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 a number of supports.
For instance
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, some revolutions have happened
due to
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 a significant amount of protest, and, of course, governments cannot sustain their authority without agreements by citizens.
This
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 information indicates that the most possible and pragmatic way for us to accomplish a great
society
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 where
people
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 can live without conflict and poverty is cooperation among citizens. In conclusion, my ideal
society
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 is where monetary systems do not exist, and the most practical and feasible approach to realizing that
situation
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 in real contexts is collaboration among
people
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. By doing so, I believe that our
society
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 will be more beneficial for all
people
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.

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task achievement
Develop your ideas further with more examples or details.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Make sure to address possible counterarguments or differing views.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that outline your ideas well.
content
The concept of a barter system as an ideal is interesting and unique.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ideal society
  • equality
  • social justice
  • sustainable practices
  • community engagement
  • economic stability
  • cultural diversity
  • accessible healthcare
  • fair justice system
  • educational opportunities
  • environmental sustainability
  • active participation
  • inclusive society
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