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Band 4.5

Around the world, children learn English as a second language at school. However, in some places, they also learn at kindergarten (pre-school care, when children are aged two to five). Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of learning English at kindergarten.

Nowadays, children are studying in
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
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 before going to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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. There they learn so many things including
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Correct article usage
the english
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english
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English
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language
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 and with fun. In my
opinoin
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opinion
, it
is
Wrong verb form
will be
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 useful for them in upcoming future.
To begin
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 with,
kid`s
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kids
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 who attend
kintergarten
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can learn so many
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
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 with fun and activities before attending school. They
also
Linking Words
 learn
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english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 there and gain basic knowledge faster
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then
Replace the word
than
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 others about
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english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
.
Moreover
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, it is positive for them because
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 do not go to pre-school
they
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apply
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get basic teaching at school,
while
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who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 attend nursery school
they
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apply
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already learn basic there.
This
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 kind of
pupils
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pupil
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 memory has
start
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started
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 growing fast more
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then
Replace the word
than
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 other students. In small
age
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, humans
has
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have
show examples
 more grasping power
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to old
age
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, so it is easy to learn any
language
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. They
also
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 can understand
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english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 movies and news faster
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then
Replace the word
than
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 because they have
onother
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another
language
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 as their first
language
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.
So they
Rephrase
They
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 are using
onother
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another
language
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 as
there
Correct your spelling
their
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 first
lanuage
Correct your spelling
language
 so they not
speaking
Wrong verb form
speak
show examples
Use synonyms
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 in daily life.
For example
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, there was a research done
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Western Sydney
university
Capitalize word
University
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, who learned
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english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 at pre-school and they have
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english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 as
second
Add an article
a second
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language
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can
Wrong verb form
could
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speqk
Correct your spelling
speak
 better
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english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 than their counterparts. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 side,
children`s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 who started learning
Use synonyms
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 in pre-school
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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get more workload of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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in
Change preposition
at
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young
Correct article usage
a young
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age
Use synonyms
.
Furtermore
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Furthermore
, they get very
leass
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less
least
 time or have no time for
plying
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playing
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 at
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Correct article usage
the age
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age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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betwwen
Correct your spelling
between
 two to five.
This
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 can affect pupils mental health in future and they can suffer with serious problems.
For instance
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,
there
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apply
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was article in
Times
Correct article usage
the Times
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 of India says,
Correct word choice
that students
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students
Add the comma(s)
students,
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 who attend
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have more mental health than other students. In conclusion, there are many benefits of attending
pre-schools
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
 as they can gain basic knowledge and can develop self but they can have health issues
while
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grow
Change the verb form
growing
show examples
 up.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the structure of your essay. Make sure you have clear paragraphs for each main idea. This will help your reader follow your points more easily.
task achievement
Check your grammar and spelling. There are many mistakes which make it hard to understand some sentences. Make sure each sentence is clear and correct.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your ideas. This will make your arguments stronger and help show your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You made a good attempt to discuss both advantages and disadvantages. This shows you understand the topic well.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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