IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.

Due to
Linking Words
 the advancement of technology ,
people
Use synonyms
 live longer
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared to
tge
Correct your spelling
the
 past in many nations . It has merits and demerits and I will discuss both in
further
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 paragraphs . To commence with , there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
myriad
Add an article
a myriad
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 of reasons which will
further
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 explain
this
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 argument
however
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 the most preponderant one stems from the fact that
people
Use synonyms
 are enjoying
healthy
Add an article
the healthy
show examples
 and easy life.
As they
Correct word choice
They
show examples
 are able to perform their daily tasks without pain and uneasiness which is only possible due the modern medical technicians.
For instance
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, it is possible that
people
Use synonyms
 can get treatment
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any deadly diseases ranging from high blood pressure to heart surgery. Other than that ,
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
 expectancy of an average person is around 80 years and he can spend plenty
time
Change preposition
of time
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 with their family members without putting a burden on them simultaneously , they can teach their younger ones a lot with their own expectations about good food habits and advantages of exercise . It
also
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 tremendous demerits first and foremost, overpopulation is the main cons of
this
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 notion which has adverse impacts on employment. Because of congestion on the
planet
Add a comma
planet,
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 enormous
people
Use synonyms
 try for a few job opportunities for their nourishment.
As a result
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, the majority of
population
Add an article
the population
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facing
Wrong verb form
faces
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 unemployment.
Secondly
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, deforestation is another negative consequence which may arise to accommodate
large
Correct article usage
a large
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 population and it will disturb
eco-system
Correct article usage
the eco-system
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 chain .
For instance
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, as per a survey which was conducted in China 6 out of 10
people
Use synonyms
 were searching for a job and some of them were obliged to live in
a narrow apartments
Correct the article-noun agreement
a narrow apartment
narrow apartments
show examples
 for savings.
To conclude
Linking Words
, despite of
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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disadvantage
Add a comma
disadvantage,
show examples
 I believe that all human beings have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to live longer with any illness which brings a sense of
self sufficient
Correct your spelling
self-sufficiency
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader understand your viewpoint more easily.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to help guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples and details to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and spelling to improve clarity. Check for mistakes like 'tge' instead of 'the'.
task achievement
You have made good points about both the advantages and disadvantages of longer life expectancy.
task achievement
Your essay shows awareness of important issues, like overpopulation and employment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • demographics
  • societal development
  • healthcare system
  • pension funds
  • multigenerational
  • workforce
  • economic sustainability
  • intergenerational inequality
  • longevity
  • proactive policy
  • geriatrics
  • senior citizens
  • ageing population
  • fertility rates
  • dependency ratio
What to do next:
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