IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people beleive that high sugar levels cause more health problems. make it more expensive to reduce the health issues. do you agree or disagree ?

It is thought that foods that are high in sugar level increase the risk of getting
health
Use synonyms
 issues, and making it expensive would lower the risk. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement since
people
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 would be discouraged to buy it, and would enjoy healthier options more than they used to. One of the essential reasons why increasing
prices
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 of high-sugar snacks would lower
health
Use synonyms
 issues is that
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 individuals will opt to buy them. Because
Use synonyms
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of junk foods are cheap these days,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to consume them more. If they are made more expensive,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 would consider buying them, and they would look for other alternatives.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study was conducted in Ampang supermarket in Malaysia where they significantly increased the
prices
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 of sweets, and it revealed that
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 started buying local fruits as a replacement. Another reason why
i
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I
show examples
 think it is a good development is because
people
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 would get used to eating healthy, and would actually enjoy it. Imposing high
prices
Use synonyms
 on sugary snacks would lead
people
Use synonyms
 to buy healthier options, including rice and vegetables, which would encourage them to cook them in different ways to match their taste.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
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 would get used to a healthier plate leading to reduced
health
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 problems in the long run.
For instance
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,
although
Linking Words
 unhealthy foods are available for village
people
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, they tend to prefer their own
cusines
Correct your spelling
cuisine
, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 made from locally grown
fruites
Correct your spelling
fruits
 and vegetables. In conclusion, I
Think
Fix capitalization
think
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 that increasing the
prices
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 of unhealthy snacks would have a
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society's
overall
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 because
people
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 will replace them with cheaper
helthier
Correct your spelling
healthier
 options, and
would
Correct pronoun usage
this would
show examples
 influence their preference
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the type of food they enjoy.

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grammar
Make sure to capitalize the first letter of sentences and proper nouns.
coherence
Try to use linking words (like 'firstly', 'secondly', 'in addition') to make the structure clearer.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This will show more depth in your argument.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and support it throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high sugar levels
  • health problems
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • reduce consumption
  • public health
  • healthier options
  • negative consequences
  • financial strain
  • low-income families
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • government policies
  • subsidize
  • healthier food alternatives
  • accessible
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