IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages ?

This
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 can be exemplified by the fact that travelling offers valuable
experience
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experiences
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such
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 as learning a foreign language. It will allow
students
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 to be more open-minded and to broaden their horizons thanks to the opportunity
of meeting
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to meet
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 new people.
As a result
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, taking a
gap
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year
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 might be beneficial for
students
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 since it could enhance their work experience but
also
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 widen their network.
Nevertheless
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, individuals who take a
gap
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year
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 have to consider some of its disadvantages including the potential risk of becoming lazy.
For instance
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, people who used to study long hours weekly will certainly appreciate the idea of escaping classrooms alongside condensed work
,
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apply
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 and
therefore
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 will tend to consider it as a prolonged holiday.
This
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 leads
students
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 to be likely to develop a feeling of laziness that could be detrimental to their future professional
life
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lives
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.
Furthermore
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, if people spend too much time travelling and discovering the world, they might not allocate sufficient time reviewing the material done in high school and
therefore
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, may forget a significant volume of the heavy program.
Consequently
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,
traveling
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travelling
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 or working after finishing high school would potentially deteriorate
students
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 as it may be deemed as a source of laziness and could lead them to forgive their lessons. In conclusion,
while
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 a
gap
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year
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 may be advantageous for young adults thanks to the opportunities
of
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for
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 work experience
as well as
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 the improvement of their knowledge, it might
also
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 be seen as a means to become lazy and to enjoy holidays which
lead
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leads
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 to the deterioration of their current knowledge.
That is
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 the reason why I highly believe that the benefits of a
gap
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year
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 outweigh its downsides thanks to the opportunities it provides to young graduates.

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task achievement
Make your main points clearer by adding more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Try to add more examples to support your arguments.
positive
You offer a balanced view of the topic.
positive
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your ideas.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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