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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others believe there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, there is a growing debate about the most effective method to reduce
crime
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 in society.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that longer
prison
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 sentences are the best solution, others argue that there are better and more effective ways to lower
crime
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 rates. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and explain my opinion. The essay will first examine the benefits of strict
prison
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 punishments, followed by a discussion of alternative methods
such
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 as
education
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 and rehabilitation. One of the main reasons why
people
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 support longer
prison
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 sentences is because they believe it will scare others from committing crimes.
This
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 means that when criminals know they will face many years in
prison
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, they might avoid doing illegal actions.
For example
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, in countries like Singapore, strict laws and long sentences have helped reduce serious crimes.
As a result
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, many
people
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 feel safer, and
crime
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 rates are low, which proves that punishment can be effective. Another significant point to consider is that
education
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 and rehabilitation may help more in the long term.
This
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 is because many
people
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 commit crimes
due to
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 poverty, lack of
education
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, or mental health issues.
For instance
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, in Norway, the government focuses on helping criminals return to society by giving them skills and therapy.
Therefore
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,
this
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 supports the idea that solving the root causes of
crime
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 is more useful than just keeping
people
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 in jail for a long time. In conclusion, both sides have valid arguments.
However
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, I believe that
while
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prison
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 is necessary for dangerous criminals, governments should focus more on
education
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 and social programs to stop
crime
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 before it happens. It is important for
people
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 to feel supported and guided so they can live a better life and avoid criminal actions.

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task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use some linking words to connect your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You presented both views well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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