IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? (Band 7,5)

Online shopping has recently become the most chosen way to buy
goods
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. Most
people
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 believe that
this
Linking Words
 is one of the major transformations of contemporary society. I strongly agree
whit
Correct your spelling
with
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this
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 point of view because
the
Correct article usage
apply
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globalization
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 already profoundly transformed
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 habits.
Moreover
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, nowadays the convenience of e-commerce allows
people
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 to save time and money and
this
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 is the main reason for its success.
Firstly
Linking Words
, international trade has developed since the
industrial revolution
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Industrial Revolution
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, transforming local economies in global markets and allowing
people
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 from all over the world to benefit
form
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from
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 increasing global wealth. In fact, even before the e-commerce
revolution
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revolution,
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 most
goods
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 were produced abroad,
thus
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 creating a huge mass market and making
possible
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it possible
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 for common
people
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 to access any sort of
goods
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 at low prices.
Moreover
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, recent technologies have
accellerated
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accelerated
this
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 process, making
faster
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it faster
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 and easier not only to buy
goods
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 to deliver them at home thanks to
AI driven
Add a hyphen
AI-driven
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 logistic
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
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.
Although
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conusmers'
Correct your spelling
consumers'
 demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
goods
Use synonyms
 is stable, the request for home
delivering
Replace the word
delivery
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 has rapidly grown, pushed by the convenience of online shopping and the ease of logistic services. In fact, recent research from Bicocca University shows that more than 80% of
people
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 buy
goods
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 online at least once a week, appreciating mostly the fact that they can do
this
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 whenever they want and that they receive the
goods
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 just in
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 hours.
To conclude
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, in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 e-commerce has profoundly transformed
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 behaviour. Globalization connected with a more efficient logistic system pushes the market to home deliveries.
This
Linking Words
 cannot be considered a temporary trend but a new reality belonging to our society. led by new technologies

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Language
Make sure to check your spelling, such as 'whit' instead of 'with' and 'accellerated' should be 'accelerated'.
Content
Add more examples or explanations to support your main points, making your ideas clearer.
Cohesion
Try to use connecting words in your paragraphs, such as 'firstly,' 'also,' or 'in conclusion,' to show connections between ideas.
Structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, stating your opinion strongly.
Content
You provide relevant points about globalization and the convenience of online shopping.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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