IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should spend their free time doing organised activities such as sports and music lessons others believe that children should be free to play and explore. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Many people believe that kids should engage in more well-planned activities like sports, music lessons, etc,
while
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 others believe in letting the children explore their choices in games and in their free time. I will be discussing both views in
this
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 essay and give my opinion
at the end
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. Nowadays, I firmly believe that the young crowd would love to play different games and participate in every kind of activity.
This
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 will help them gain knowledge of various fields, whether relevant or not and can discover their passion and what they want to achieve in their life. I believe in
this
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 idealogy as I have been raised
this
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 way and because in
this
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 way, you may sometimes fail but you will definitely become more confident and self-sufficient.
On the other hand
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, children who stick with a few specific organised types of activities
,
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apply
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 can become successful in those fields as they have lived most of their time engaging and learning those skills
however
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, they can lack knowledge of many other things happening in the world. I think
this
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 happens in a family of those whose parents have
also
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 been raised in the same manner
,
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 but succeeded. In my opinion, we should let the kids decide what they want to do or play in their pastime and explore themselves rather than bind them with specific activities which can limit their possibilities of opportunities in future.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate your ideas in sentences and paragraphs. This helps the reader understand your points better.
task achievement
Try to use more examples to support your points. This makes your arguments stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion that children should explore their interests, which is good for your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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