IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. Do you agree or disagree?

In modern times, with the decline
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the birth rate, every
Use synonyms
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
 is their
parents
Use synonyms
’ treasure, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
ensuring the growth of
children
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 put in the first place
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to make
parents
Use synonyms
 take parenting
courses
Use synonyms
 is the most suitable way for
parents
Use synonyms
 to achieve
Linking Words
this goals
Change the determiner
this goal
these goals
show examples
. First of all, parental
classes
Use synonyms
 o er
su icient
Correct your spelling
sufficient
 knowledge for those who
are in
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
experience
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 taking
care
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
. These
courses
Use synonyms
 are often given by experts who can provide complete and correct methods for many significant cases. Take CPR
for example
Linking Words
. Most
parents
Use synonyms
, unfortunately, are not familiar with the correct performance of CPR, which often leads to panic when they first face
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 emergency. With the
classes
Use synonyms
o ered
Correct your spelling
offered
 by credential and reliable lecturers, tragedies and misbehaves can be greatly reduced and even avoided.
Moreover
Linking Words
, parenting
classes
Use synonyms
 offer strategies for
parents
Use synonyms
 to release their stress
while
Linking Words
 taking
care
Use synonyms
 of their
children
Use synonyms
. These
courses
Use synonyms
 may be given
psychology
Change preposition
to psychology
show examples
 experts in various methods,
such
Linking Words
 as group discussion or one-by-one consultant.
For example
Linking Words
,
Taiwan
Correct article usage
the Taiwan
show examples
 government
start
Wrong verb form
has started
show examples
 to offer free consultants for citizens to vent their stress on parenting which can lead to better
care
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their kids. With the
courses
Use synonyms
 given by professional lecturers, the rate of
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
depression and anxiety in adults can be decreased.
However
Linking Words
, some elderly
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 these
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 as unnecessary, yet put
Correct pronoun usage
their instinct
show examples
instinct
Fix the agreement mistake
instincts
show examples
 on parenting.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will engage in taking
care
Use synonyms
 of the
children
Use synonyms
 in
an old and inappropriate methods
Correct the article-noun agreement
old and inappropriate methods
an old and inappropriate method
show examples
 which leads to the delay of the
children
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, taking lessons
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 ensure the growth of
children
Use synonyms
 is still necessary for both young and old generations. In conclusion, parenting
courses
Use synonyms
 can bring benefits
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 taking
care
Use synonyms
 of the
children
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
’ mental health by delivering correct knowledge and strategies.
Therefore
Linking Words
, participating in these
classes
Use synonyms
 is the best way to ensure the growth of
children
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Expand your introduction to clearly state your position on the topic. This helps the reader understand your opinion from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words between paragraphs to make your ideas flow better. Words like 'furthermore', 'however', and 'for example' can help.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition. Instead of using 'courses' several times, you can use synonyms like 'classes' or 'workshops'.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the importance of CPR and stress relief methods, which helped support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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