IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that the majority of individuals think that
people
Use synonyms
 should marry at their legal age of at least 21. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion because I believe that law helps to prevent early marriages, individuals become more responsible and they get a chance to make their career.
However
Linking Words
, some believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should have a sense of freedom to make decisions about their
life
Use synonyms
. There are different reasons why I support the legal decision. First and foremost is that, the law helps to prevent early marriages and lessen the trend of the dowry system as well.
For example
Linking Words
, in the past decades,
people
Use synonyms
 married their girls at a young age when they were
immature
Rephrase
too immature
show examples
 to understand their responsibilities. Sometimes they were forced to marry with richest and older individuals because of social pressure. But after the implementation of
this
Linking Words
 law, girls know their
rights
Use synonyms
 and criticize the wrongdoings.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the trend of the dowry system is reduced to a great extent because of the awareness created by social media
such
Linking Words
 as Twitter and Facebook raising the voice against the dowry system and promoting legal
rights
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, at their legal age, both sexes become mature and responsible. They can easily understand what are their roles and how they can support each other and stabilize their relationship in the economic crisis. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they can strengthen their bonds and manage everything very well.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can get the chance to receive a proper education
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 girls and be aware of the recent employment trends. By getting an education, they not only make their career but
also
Linking Words
 share the expenses with their husband to run their married
life
Use synonyms
 smoothly and efficiently.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that laws intervene in their
life
Use synonyms
 and they lose the sense of freedom to choose what is good or bad for them. They think it should be an individual decision to get married
instead
Linking Words
 of the legislation.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
people
Use synonyms
 overreact to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
legal policies and their implementation. I am in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of legal
rights
Use synonyms
 to marry at the
ageof
Correct your spelling
age of
 21 as it helps to stop child marriages, gives them proper
rights
Use synonyms
 to enjoy their
life
Use synonyms
 and assists them to become future-oriented.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly outline your main points in the introduction. This helps the reader follow your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'finally' to make your arguments easier to follow.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or data to support your points. This strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and related details. This keeps your writing focused and clear.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
Your awareness of social issues like early marriages and the dowry system shows good engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
What to do next:
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