IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (duc)

In the modern era, there is a growing trend in media to focus on sensational news rather than meaningful contributions, with some believing
this
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 is harmful to citizens and culture. I partially agree with
this
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 view.
This
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 essay will explore the reasons for my stance, examining the negative impacts on public well-being and societal perception,
while
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 acknowledging a potential benefit.
Firstly
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, the media's emphasis on negative news can heighten public anxiety. Constant exposure to distressing stories may lead individuals to feel grim or overly pessimistic, contributing to rising stress levels and even depression.
For instance
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, broadcasts like Kenh14 often spread dysfunctional misinformation,
such
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 as distorting a murder crime title to garner publicity.
This
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 provokes negative thoughts among readers, eroding their sense of security and making them fear leaving their homes.
Such
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 fear disrupts daily life and significantly undermines mental health on a broad scale.
Additionally
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,
this
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 focus damages the societal image. Sensational reports about mugging, protests, or scams can make foreigners perceive Vietnam as an unsafe and unwelcoming place, building up stigma in international eyes.
This
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 not only harms the country’s reputation but
also
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 discourages economic growth. International visitors may plummet, affecting tourism development,
while
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 abroad students and workers may avoid returning, exacerbating brain drain. By prioritizing shock over substance, the media perpetuates a distorted view of reality,
further
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 spurring alienation in both local and international communities. In conclusion,
while
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 sensational news may occasionally highlight important problems, its tendency to increase anxiety and damage cultural image makes it largely harmful. A more balanced approach would better serve citizens and society.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the position. Make it direct and to the point.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs. This will help the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion with logical arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs that each focus on a main idea.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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