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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people in cities around the world suffer from high levels of air pollution. What are the causes of this problem, and what can be done to solve it?

The majority of individuals that live in urban areas across the globe endure
the
Correct article usage
apply
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elevated levels of
air
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pollution
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. The origin of
this
Linking Words
 stems from three main factors, and there are some possible ways to address
this
Linking Words
 issue. Perhaps the main factor would be the rising number of industrial complexes.
For instance
Linking Words
, factories that produce certain goods release large amounts of toxic fumes that are harmful to the population surrounding the area.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the large number of personal
vehichles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 that citizens use for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 produce
gases
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 through exhaust pipes, which are
also
Linking Words
 detrimental and play a
mjor
Correct your spelling
major
 role in polluting the
air
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, with the concerning rise in global warming, trees are more prone to catch fire which on a large scale;
such
Linking Words
 as forests, could lead to significant deterioration in the regulation of
gases
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 that plants used to provide.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 creates an imbalance which
further
Linking Words
 contributes to
air
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pollution
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.
However
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,
to increase
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increasing
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 governmental
subsidying
Correct your spelling
subsidy
subsiding
 of public transport could be one solution of many. If authorities started encouraging
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 citizens to use trains or buses, perhaps
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 people would use their
cars
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,
thus
Linking Words
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 harmful
gases
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 would be produced and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 people would suffer. A similar approach would be to lower the cost of electric
cars
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 to attract more buyers.
Due to
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 their
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 nature, electrically powered
cars
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 tend to release no
gases
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 since there is no fuel involved in the process which alleviates the concern of
air
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pollution
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 highly if applied on a large scale. In summary, with the growing concern of
air
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pollution
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, mainly driven by industrial development and harmful
transportational
Correct your spelling
transportation
 modalities, it seems that increasing public funding and the promotion of electric
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cars
Change the noun form
car
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 usage could be some of the remedies that would hinder the progress of
pollution
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main points in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas using simple linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Revise for spelling mistakes, such as 'vehichles' instead of 'vehicles'.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear causes of air pollution and possible solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with an introduction and conclusion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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