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Band 7

Accidents are common on roads. What are the causes of this problem? Can you speculate the effects of this phenomenon and how could the frequency of accidents be reduced?

#accidents #roads #effects #phenomenon #frequency
We may have seen many
accidents
 on roads and now it has become quite common. Most
accidents
 are by car, it can be various reasons usually happens
due to
 drinking and bad weather. Reducing the frequency of
accidents
 needs effort from the
government
 and the locals. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate on the cause and how to reduce the
accidents
. Drinking
while
 driving is very bad and it can lead to an accident and
also
 leave a burden on the family
such
 as hospital costs.
For
example
, in 2023, in the Senopati area of South Jakarta, there was a person who left the party at 3AM drunk and drove. He accidentally hit a pharmacy store until the construction of the building half collapsed. Bad weather, like heavy rains, can make the road very slippery. In these circumstances, the drivers need to be fully awake and cautious.
For
example
, the article from Jakarta Post reported in 2022 there were 457 car
accidents
 in East Java. To reduce the frequency of
accidents
 on roads there are many different actions that need to be taken by the
government
 and locals.
For
example
, local authorities need to collaborate with the lounges or cafes which provide alcohol to make strict regulations on operational hours and a person who has been drunk can not be allowed to drive for safety reasons. The
government
 should regulate the laws which are not adequate to avoid
accidents
.
For
example
, after the adjustment in Turkey regarding traffic rules, the percentage of
accidents
 showed a sharp decrease in one year.
To conclude
, car
accidents
 on roads can be reduced by changing driving manners and
also
 receiving a contribution from the
government
 and locals.
Submitted by adedode on

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing the essay in a more structured way, perhaps with clear paragraphs for each point or argument, to improve logical flow.
task achievement
Some points could benefit from more detailed explanations or supporting data to further clarify your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence variety to avoid monotony in writing and to make it more engaging.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and function well to frame the essay.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and a good awareness of how it can be addressed by different stakeholders.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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