IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar which cause many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to enourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Excessive sugar consumption has been directly linked to various
health
Use synonyms
 issues, including obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. Some propose that increasing the price of sugary foods and beverages can discourage excessive intake.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
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 viewpoint, as financial disincentives can influence consumer behaviour and generate public funds for
health
Use synonyms
 initiatives. Raising the cost of sugar-laden products has proven effective in altering consumer choices. When prices rise, demand tends to fall, particularly for non-essential items. A notable example is the sugar tax implemented in the United Kingdom, which led to a significant reduction in the purchase of sugary soft drinks. Price-based strategies are especially impactful for lower-income households, where cost sensitivity is higher, leading to healthier dietary patterns over time. Beyond individual choices,
such
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 measures offer wider public
health
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 advantages. Increased prices on unhealthy products can reduce the long-term burden on healthcare systems by lowering the prevalence of chronic diseases.
Moreover
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, the revenue generated from
such
Linking Words
 taxes can be reinvested into education campaigns or subsidising healthier food alternatives, thereby creating a positive feedback loop for public wellbeing. In conclusion, introducing higher prices for sugar-rich products is a logical and effective method to reduce sugar consumption. It not only encourages healthier eating habits but
also
Linking Words
 provides societal benefits through improved public
health
Use synonyms
 and strategic reinvestment of tax revenues.
Such
Linking Words
 fiscal policies should be adopted as part of a comprehensive approach to combat diet-related illnesses.

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coherence
Make sure each point is clearly linked to your main argument. You can use more simple linking words to guide the reader through your ideas.
task response
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, and your conclusion nicely wraps up your main points.
task response
You present good examples, like the UK's sugar tax, which supports your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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